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Newest Member: betrayedinil (61145)

User Topic: The OW as motivation?
♀ 35238
Member # 35238
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am convinced there is something wrong with me. D-day was almost two years ago. In that time I have been diligent about IC and have worked damn hard to get where I am now (emotionally). The OW never had any contact with me which made it a bit easier to work to get her out of my head. She's not completely gone, but for the most part I don't give her much thought (I do still feel a pit in my stomach whenI hear her first name).

My WH and I are separated. We are losing our house to foreclosure. We are in dire financial problems. My DS and I just moved into a rental townhouse this week. My mind is all over the place and the holidays are only making me feel worse. So I've been struggling at work...big time. I love my job. I've been here ten years and it's such a great fit for me. But I got the talk today about my performance. It was an official warning - written and filed. Never happened in my life.

My boss and I talked. It was difficult. She knows some of what's going on, but nothing about the A. She told me that sometimes we just have to "kick our own ass" to get back on track. So I've been thinking about how to get my head back in the game here at work. It's so easy to slip into the depression and not give a crap about anything.

I told myself that I want to be a good example for my DS - have a good work ethic, be a professional. Doing a good job at work will boost my confidence which will hopefully spill over to feeling more confident outside of work.

And then there's the OW. Not long after D-day, my WH told me how envious the OW was about me - especially of my job. FYI I'm a fundraiser/grant writer, so it's not a glamorous job (don't make much money), but I am educated and am a professional. She was an addictions counselor but lost her job and is in a different field. How sick is it of me to use that as a motivation to stay focused and working hard? I told myself to imagine that I lose my job and she's one of the applicants. Its sick and twisted, but it works.

Is this going to hurt all the work I've done to get her out of my head? Is it really sick of me to do this?

BS: Me (44)
XH: Husband (49)
Married 10 years
Two children 9 & 20 (my stepson)
D-day #1: 12/18/11
D-day #2: 8/26/12 (still in contact w/ OW)
Status: Divorced - 6/18/15

Posts: 458 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Midwest
♂ 41157
Member # 41157
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe finding a hobby/recreation not related to work or in any way connected with anything that would remind you of OW. It might let you relax your mind from work without letting it drift to thoughts of OW. Something new that you haven't tried before. Think of it as a positive lead instead of negative reinforcement.

Just a thought. Good luck!

Posts: 417 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southeast
♀ 32423
Member # 32423
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sick at all, just the opposite. This is you rising above and turning a negative into a positive. What ever works right? Its pretty amazing.

Him WS
Married 13 years together 17
DDay Mar.2011
Mistake-Going through a stop sign because you didn't see it.
Poor choice-You saw the stop sign and went through it anyway.

Posts: 775 | Registered: Jun 2011
♀ 16305
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 3:59 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Time to be my own bff.

Posts: 9311 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: NJ
Topic Posts: 4

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