Story of my life. I'm a super-peaceful man which she confuses with weak and passive.
My WS had a lot of childhood problems. Her default negative emotion is anger.
Not regret, no remorse. Anger. Red hot. Fiery anger.
Of course, the anger eventually subsides. Suspiciously after she got what she wanted.
During the fights she even talks about power and control. Apparently I am controlling and control everything. Which is why she had the opportunity to cheat on me for almost a year. And one of her main fears about working with me to help me heal is that it will upset the power balance. She thinks I'll hold it forever and that anything she does from now on she'll be "made to pay". Like it's a transaction. Really weird.
The last yelling fight was precisely about how "I held all the keys" (BS being the guy presents the interesting dynamic that sometimes she can't make it financially on her own - and boy is she pissed at that!)
BTW I believe the OM is like that with her too, so she feels like she can do the same with me, maybe.
She has not been supportive of my healing. Fog is lifting which makes her mad that now her choice is me or nothing, and I finally got her to even think about reading a book about the A again, but she pointedly told me this AM "I'm only reading the parts that concern me". Thanks, honey, I thought. My actual response "it's a great start"
Without a hint of sarcasm, either - it really is wonderful that she is finally trying to introspect. I think a lot of her issues on how she's handling this and why she did this actually predate the M, though of course I'm willing to, once she makes a decision, make any changes she thinks are necessary. But two healthy people need to do R. I can't take a repeat.