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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: I should never have had to be in this position.
Lostandpregnant
♀ 41433
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to address the birth. I've been dreading it..but I decided I had to get it over with.

It was the hardest email I've ever written in my life, telling him that I do not want him there.

I should be facing this with my partner by my side.

But I'm not.

I'm just sad right now. This should have been a beautiful wonderful moment together..now it will be me, alone.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Lostandpregnant
♀ 41433
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And no, I'm not going to be communicating with him, or anything of the sort, or even reading if there is a response.
But I had to do this for the closure for myself, to face it and close the door on it.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
HardenMyHeart
♂ 15902
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lostandpregnant)))


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5758 | Registered: Aug 2007
GotPlayed
♂ 41294
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lostandpregnant,

Chin up, you'll be there with your little baby. Who loves you. And that's all that matters.

The moment will be beautiful regardless, particularly as your little one grows proud and strong.

Look at the future and the happiness your baby will bring you, not at the past.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
Me: BH 42, Her: WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Ex-con for DV. Now with new ROs!
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
painfulpast
♀ 41038
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, L&P,

We'll all be there with you in spirit. Is there any family that can go with you?


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Jules1111
♀ 41463
Member # 41463
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Hugs))))

Posts: 132 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
Lostandpregnant
♀ 41433
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My friend from colorado will try to fly in. With the unpredictable nature of birth, we'll have to see if it works out. I need to mentally prepare to do it alone.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
brkn_heartd
♀ 30396
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you support.


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Holly-Isis
♀ 13447
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you've made a good choice. He's been abusive in so many ways, before the A and even now. You don't need to be around that. Your babies dont need to be around it.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11339 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
LonelySilhouette
♀ 39502
Member # 39502
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With all due respect, I don't think you should have contacted him about the impending birth at all. It's not like he doesn't know it's coming, and you didn't say he asked about being there. Did he ask? I mean, I feel terrible for what you're going through but really, stop contacting him. He's not worth it.

I know it's not the same but didn't you say you have a midwife? You won't be alone. At least you'll have her.


Me - 49 (BS)
Him - 51 (WH with "8 or 9" prostitutes)
Married 30 years, give or take a few weeks here and there
D-Day - May 4, 2013
Discovered an EA going on since 2010 around that time, too. NC in place now.


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jun 2013
Broken1Again
♀ 32211
Member # 32211
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know this is no consolation but many women have gone through it alone. Back in the day husband weren't allowed in the room so try and just think that way if you have to to get you through this very emotional time. This is his moment to live to regret. Not yours.

I can only almost imAgine what you are going through as my H almost wasn't there for the birth of our 2nd as he abandoned us for some OW. This will not be an easy thing to do but please know that you have an online community who will cyberly be in the waiting room waiting to hear how you're doing and how the babies are doing.


BS: 40
WS: 42
Two boys 13/11
Married 15 years
Dday: too Many to remember. 3 significant OW and many "less"'significant OW. Believe WS has bad boundaries and craves the attention.
In R.

Posts: 883 | Registered: May 2011
Lostandpregnant
♀ 41433
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, he did ask to be there.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
whichwaysup
♀ 41539
Member # 41539
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I guess the fact that he asked to be there shows he stil has some sort of desire to be a father (although he doesn't seem to show the same concern for his other 5 children often). Regardless, if he cared that much he would be there for you now, not globe trotting w/ OW.
I personally feel the same about this subject as I do about giving my WH any space/ freedom right now. These WS's had it all at one point, but they ruined it. They made choices that did not show consideration for us & they do not deserve it in return.
Love & Light

Posts: 27 | Registered: Dec 2013
Althea
♀ 37765
Member # 37765
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lostandpregnant))) I'm so sorry. Pregnancy is such a vulnerable time, but this on top isn't fair. That being said, as someone who had a less than supportive partner at the birth of my second daughter, you would feel every bit as alone even if he was there. Plus, you would have had the added bonus of all of the pain just looking at his face would bring. I had my youngest a few months ago and brought a digital picture frame full of photos of my other kids. It was great. I told stories about them to the midwives and nurses in between contractions. Can you afford a doula? Or maybe ask your midwife if there is one she can recommend who might help you pro bono? Doula's are incredible emotional support. I'm sorry you are going through this, but it will be better without him there.


Taking it one day at a time.

Posts: 465 | Registered: Dec 2012
sad12008
♀ 18179
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lostandpregnant)))

Every last bit of infidelity is painful, so it seems a dreadful understatement and redundant to say it really hurts when the betrayal is compounded by things that are supposed to be truly special moments in life....but it does really hurt. Turns the knife and then throws salt into the wound.

My fWH was in a full-fledged A at the time of my 2nd child's birth, though I didn't know it at the time. I did, however, know I was miserable, he was and had been distant, cold, uncaring, and mean for too much of the time for months on end, to the point where I was seriously thinking about leaving him. (That pesky being-hugely-pregnant thing was making me pause, since I didn't expect much luck interviewing looking as I did.)

I hope you do indeed have a good midwife, Lap! Mine was the caring calm in the storm. I seem to recall us actually having a laugh about then-WH during labor. A good midwife and/or a good friend beats a cheating husband any day.

I hope there's a special place in hell for men who run out on their pregnant wives, and for the women who knowingly cavort with the husbands of pregnant women.

Sending you strength and a big hug!!


You can't fill a cup with no bottom.

Posts: 3904 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
BrighterFuture
♀ 38914
Member # 38914
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You made the best choice. His presence would have been a source of pain anyways. I did it and you can too. Once you're done you'll breathe a sigh of relief for having gone through it and being so strong. Feel free to PM me if you need encouragement at anytime. You can do it!


Me:30
Him:31
D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.


Posts: 362 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
Lostandpregnant
♀ 41433
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all <3
I can't even go there in my mind about the OW..what a POS she must be to be able to do this to someone pregnant..it seems extra vile and disgusting to me.

I hope her life is horrific and she feels my pain tenfold.

Yeah, I said it.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

L&P please look into getting a Doula.
Being pregnant and giving birth is an adventure to begin with, and even though you have done it before, you haven't had twins.

You really do need someone there for you....Just you, not the babies. Not your physical being, but someone to provide support mentally, and be a source of strength for you.

Not sure what the story is or availability in Canada, so please take some time to look into this option.

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8898 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Lola7
♀ 41195
Member # 41195
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you not having him there. You want this to be a special moment, not ruined by his stupid face. You can do this. ((hugs))


caelitus mihi vires
"My strength is from heaven"
DIVORCED!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Nov 2013
izzybear7
♀ 41620
Member # 41620
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just posted my first post. my husband left me when i was 7 months, i know exaclty what you mean...its supposed to be the happiest time of your life and they stole that from us. hang in there. thinking of you

Posts: 7 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 22
Pages: 1 · 2

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