First off ((hugs)). I say this gently, because I was like you for a long time. I date, and have had relationships since I divorced, and that didn’t seem to help, but I
had to finally realize that my divorce was not a “mistake.” My ex would rather die than admit he made a mistake by divorcing. The marriage
at the time was not a mistake for me, I have two wonderful children from it, learned a lot about myself, and am who I am today because of that marriage. He might think the marriage was a mistake, but I think that the divorce was not, it’s what I/we think that matters now.
It would have been a mistake not to divorce him, because he was/is a serial cheater. Granite, the holiday’s are sad sometimes, because I miss my idea of what a “family” should look like, but truth is I still have my family(my kids), and my kids have theirs (me)…it just looks different, and I embrace the change.
Also realizing I was feeling melancholy when I didn’t want to deal with current daily stressors was huge. I used what I thought I had with him as a stress reliever, because it was a familiar response, and I didn’t have to deal with the unknown. Don’t text, email, or call. Unless you have small children, there is no real reason to contact him. Once you stop any contact, you open your mind and heart for new things to filter through and help you forget the past and focus on the future…your future.
My ex recently married one of his ow in May. A friend of mine (whose husband works with ex) recently called and told me the “rumor” mill has him chasing another ow, and there is a new investigation regarding sexual harassment, even though, he is so “happily” married to wifetress(she has no clue). It dawned on me that he will never change, because it’s the “chase” that makes him happy. I don’t know what goes on in his life anymore, and if I do, it’s really only what he wants me to see or perceive. He wouldn’t admit in a million years that he was miserable. When my son graduated from college, he wanted a “family” picture, he gave his camera to his future new wifetress, and literately asked her to take a “family picture of all four of us.” It was awkward at best, but the verbiage he used spoke volumes!
Hang in there, the time will come, when it won’t be so hard, and remember, he only wants you to see what he wants, most will not admit anything. They just won’t, but know in your heart it’s what YOU think that matters now! Not him, his thoughts do not matter to you anymore.