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My bff's husband

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Unagie posted 12/10/2013 23:57 PM

I ended up living with my BFF for a couple days a few months ago. I left to my other friend's house because I felt it wasn't okay to stay with a married couple. She has been trying to convince me to move in with her for a couple months now. I met up with her today and we hung out. Her husband picked her up and they gave me a ride home. She shares a lot with her husband and he knows a lot of what happened between me and xSO. Today in the car they tried convincing me to move in with them and I told them i would think about it. I will inevitably say no.Her husband vented over how I deserve better and then said you should have stayed with the other guy. I damn near shouted no, explained that was a hotrible thing to say and that my xSO was 10x the man AP was. That AP was a weak broken person that I never should have gone near in a million years. Her husband apologized and saif he was just worried about me. I told him I was fine and we talked a little more and I went inside. The convo made me angry and showed me the reason I stopped sharing my life even with her, even when I need support. Its also not the first convo where he seems to be okay with cheating as long as he can justify it. That's what bothers me more then anything, his attitude twards it makes me scared for my BFF. He adores her but wayward thinking is definitely there. So 2 questions.

1. Did I handle this well?
2. Should I tell her my worries?

[This message edited by Unagie at 11:58 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)]

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 12/11/2013 01:12 AM

I don't know... he could have just been trying to be supportive in the only way he knew how. We don't all grow at the same emotional rate, so I say give him some leeway for that.

You can talk to her about how this talk makes you feel but, again, I don't know that she'll be able to see from your point of view because she hasn't walked the same road.

Unagie posted 12/11/2013 01:29 AM

TIKY thanks, I'll shelve the convo for future consideration. It just frustrates me ya know? Thanks again.

wifehad5 posted 12/11/2013 07:14 AM

She shares a lot with her husband and he knows a lot of what happened between me and xSO.

He knows her version of it. Who knows how close to what you told her that is.

heforgotme posted 12/11/2013 09:16 AM

I think you handled it well and may have given him something to think about.

I would not say anything to your bff. As we have all become painfully aware, if someone has not been through this they are completely clueless. I think what he said was well-intentioned, he just had no idea what he was talking about.

Long ago I knew someone who cheated. He and his wife got married bc she was pregnant and every single time I saw her over the years she would make at least one disparaging comment about him. So, when he told me what he did, I said, "No wonder."


Aubrie posted 12/11/2013 09:38 AM


You know that it's difficult for people to understand all the "technicalities" of infidelity if they've never walked the path. I say cut the guy some slack. He's on the outside looking in, only knowing what his wife has said of the situation.

And let's be honest. Your ex-boyfriend has turned into a jerk. Seriously. He's a cruel, selfish, a-hole. Does it condone your cheating? Absolutely not. However, he's still a cruel, selfish, a-hole. If I was looking from the outside in, seeing my wife's BFF dealing with an abusive jerk, I too would probably think that you'd be better off with the AP. Because after all, I wouldn't know that broken attracts broken, and everything else we learn going thru the University of Infidelity.

I don't think his statement is a massive red flag that means he's going to inevitably going to cheat on his wife. I think he's (somewhat ignorantly) trying to find a safer, better solution for the situation you're in.


Unagie posted 12/11/2013 10:26 AM

thanks guys, maybe i overreacted is that time of year.

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