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Newest Member: Saad (61538)

User Topic: My bff's husband
♀ 37091
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I ended up living with my BFF for a couple days a few months ago. I left to my other friend's house because I felt it wasn't okay to stay with a married couple. She has been trying to convince me to move in with her for a couple months now. I met up with her today and we hung out. Her husband picked her up and they gave me a ride home. She shares a lot with her husband and he knows a lot of what happened between me and xSO. Today in the car they tried convincing me to move in with them and I told them i would think about it. I will inevitably say no.Her husband vented over how I deserve better and then said you should have stayed with the other guy. I damn near shouted no, explained that was a hotrible thing to say and that my xSO was 10x the man AP was. That AP was a weak broken person that I never should have gone near in a million years. Her husband apologized and saif he was just worried about me. I told him I was fine and we talked a little more and I went inside. The convo made me angry and showed me the reason I stopped sharing my life even with her, even when I need support. Its also not the first convo where he seems to be okay with cheating as long as he can justify it. That's what bothers me more then anything, his attitude twards it makes me scared for my BFF. He adores her but wayward thinking is definitely there. So 2 questions.

1. Did I handle this well?
2. Should I tell her my worries?

[This message edited by Unagie at 11:58 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)]

Posts: 3615 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ 18449
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 1:12 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know... he could have just been trying to be supportive in the only way he knew how. We don't all grow at the same emotional rate, so I say give him some leeway for that.

You can talk to her about how this talk makes you feel but, again, I don't know that she'll be able to see from your point of view because she hasn't walked the same road.

Posts: 12215 | Registered: Mar 2008
♀ 37091
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 1:29 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TIKY thanks, I'll shelve the convo for future consideration. It just frustrates me ya know? Thanks again.

Posts: 3615 | Registered: Oct 2012
♂ 15162
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She shares a lot with her husband and he knows a lot of what happened between me and xSO.

He knows her version of it. Who knows how close to what you told her that is.

FBH - 46
FWW - 47 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 11 & 16

The people you do your life with shape the life you live

Posts: 47098 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
♀ 38391
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you handled it well and may have given him something to think about.

I would not say anything to your bff. As we have all become painfully aware, if someone has not been through this they are completely clueless. I think what he said was well-intentioned, he just had no idea what he was talking about.

Long ago I knew someone who cheated. He and his wife got married bc she was pregnant and every single time I saw her over the years she would make at least one disparaging comment about him. So, when he told me what he did, I said, "No wonder."


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1162 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
♀ 33886
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You know that it's difficult for people to understand all the "technicalities" of infidelity if they've never walked the path. I say cut the guy some slack. He's on the outside looking in, only knowing what his wife has said of the situation.

And let's be honest. Your ex-boyfriend has turned into a jerk. Seriously. He's a cruel, selfish, a-hole. Does it condone your cheating? Absolutely not. However, he's still a cruel, selfish, a-hole. If I was looking from the outside in, seeing my wife's BFF dealing with an abusive jerk, I too would probably think that you'd be better off with the AP. Because after all, I wouldn't know that broken attracts broken, and everything else we learn going thru the University of Infidelity.

I don't think his statement is a massive red flag that means he's going to inevitably going to cheat on his wife. I think he's (somewhat ignorantly) trying to find a safer, better solution for the situation you're in.


This is the hall of mirrors. Where you will face yourself. Buckle up.

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

Posts: 7909 | Registered: Nov 2011
♀ 37091
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks guys, maybe i overreacted is that time of year.

Posts: 3615 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 7

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