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The man I married was not this dumb.

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TheAmazingWondertwin posted 12/11/2013 06:35 AM

I have decided.
I am not in the rage stage.
He is in the stupid phase.

sodamnlost posted 12/11/2013 06:47 AM

I have decided.
I am not in the rage stage.
He is in the stupid phase.

I feel bad because I know there is pain behind this but I must admit it made me laugh. I've thought this soooo many times since Dday.

heforgotme posted 12/11/2013 08:06 AM

Let's just hope it really is a PHASE.....

tushnurse posted 12/11/2013 08:11 AM

No he isnt and it made me chuckle because I think a lot of us with WS's have thought this at some point.

I remember asking him how dumb he actually thought I was? Then getting the slack jawed, blank, sorry I was eating lead paint stare back.

The problem is they get so self absorbed and lost in the land of rainbow farting unicorns, they think we are all there. It's when the real world comes crashing down around them that they finally start to see what they have done.

I can tell you at 5 years out, my H still cant fathom what he did, how he treated me, or that he honestly believed me making hamburger helper for dinner made me a bad wife mom and person. LOL.

(((and strength)))To all in early and mid R.

Stay strong, and focus on what you need, demand the respect you deserve.

struggling16 posted 12/11/2013 08:44 AM

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Your post resonated with me. I have thought this sporadically for the past three years of R. As the healing progressed the thought that he was truly stupid during the A occurred more often.

I agree with tushnurse; during the A they think they are so clever and their BS is stupid because they're putting the A over on them. Unfortunately, it often manifests itself with gaslighting and the BS starts to think they're the stupid one. It took me a while to realize he was simply a manipulative fool during the A.

Now I have to watch myself and check the feelings of contempt I occasionally have for him and his choices.

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 12/11/2013 08:53 AM

It took me a while to realize he was simply a manipulative fool during the A.

Now I have to watch myself and check the feelings of contempt I occasionally have for him and his choices.


^^^^^^^^^^^^ Oh yes, this.

He doesn't seem to understand why I think so poorly of him sometimes. He almost seems shocked when I say I expected him to do something bad.
Like, "What? Im not in the A now, why would you think Im a bad person?"

AAAARGH... I love him so much. I know he is not a completely bad person.

But, he really does not think before he opens his mouth. The stupidity of his statements is just really infuriating.

Athene posted 12/11/2013 16:53 PM

"the slack jawed, blank, sorry I was eating lead paint stare back."

LMAO!!! - Is that the quintessential look of the stupid phase???

Sadly, I know that look all too well and my WH also spends his share of time in the stupid phase (also hoping it's just a phase).

Amazing Wondertwin - Hang in there. You are not alone in how you feel.

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 12/11/2013 19:30 PM

Thanks everybody.

And yes- I spit out my coffee reading that description.

Spot on.
Lead paint-

[This message edited by TheAmazingWondertwin at 7:30 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)]

Skan posted 12/11/2013 22:16 PM

Terminal hoof-in-mouth disease.

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