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tough day - not sure if I have the strength

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lhhell posted 12/11/2013 11:24 AM

I'm having a super tough day. I'm not even sure if I want to go into the gory details. I just want to reach out to someone who understands what I mean when I say I'm having a tough day. R is so hard and I feel like I'm failing. And he's doing all the right things (mostly - we're all human after all). I just don't know if I'm going to make it through this.

LetMeRollIt posted 12/11/2013 11:27 AM

I understand EXACTLY what you mean.

TheAgonyOfIt posted 12/11/2013 11:36 AM

hi ihhell,
the rollercoaster keeps going, doesn't it. I've been there! Not today, thankfully, but I know that the bad days are not gone. its temporary. it'll be a bad day and then tomorrow likely better. sorry you're suffering today!! is there a way to distract yourself in a healthy way from all your bad feelings? are you at work or at home?


lhhell posted 12/11/2013 11:42 AM

Thanks folks.

I'm at work. I'm trying to keep myself from crying uncontrollably. Today just feels bad.

struggling3 posted 12/11/2013 12:12 PM

Hi Ihhell,
It's my turn to try to make you feel better. You are still so early on. When people say 2-5 years to totally heal from this, they mean it. I thought it couldn't possibly take that long with a very remorseful H who was helping me in every way....wrong. I have had days that start out badly and never get better. Also have had days that are buzzing along just fine them wham...something happens that puts me right back there and can wipe out my previously good day.

I can only tell you what I have learned. It gets better with time. How much time depends on you as a person and what is happening with your R as well as the effort put in by your WS...IMO.

I have tried all of the mental things to get over thoughts (stop sign...etc.) sometimes it works...other times not so much. I get the frustration. I am a very impatient person and want this is my past as quickly as possible without rugsweeping. Truly, your brain and your heart need to heal. Let them protect you, it is how we are wired for a reason.

Try to enjoy the good days as much as possible and keep them in your mind when you have a bad day. I try to stay in the present as much as I can and it has taken me quite a bit of time to master that.

Wishing you well today...I hope the day gets better for you. Also..let your H know how you are feeling today. I know sometimes that is hard but it ultimately always made us both feel better.

RipsInMyChest posted 12/11/2013 12:20 PM


So sorry you are feeling this way today. I keep telling myself, it won't last forever. After my mother died I thought I would never feel joy the 3 year mark I was fine. I use that info to help me now....except this is worse.

izzybear7 posted 12/11/2013 13:50 PM

tough day here too. think its the holiday times coming, hang in there

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 12/11/2013 13:58 PM


Skan posted 12/11/2013 20:46 PM

I hope that the rest of your day went better. I remember those days when I just fought to keep the tears from streaming down my face. Damn that roller-coaster to hell and back! (((hugs)))

jjsr posted 12/11/2013 20:50 PM

If you are early out feeling this way is so normal. It really does take 2-5 years. I am at 2+ years and its better. Hang in there. Cry if you need to, yell if you need to. Take care of yourself

lhhell posted 12/12/2013 13:05 PM

Thanks everyone. Today feels like a better day. It's good to know that I have this forum where I can say 'today sucks' and people understand.

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