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Newest Member: WOPR (61467)

User Topic: When do you know you have healthy boundaries?
♀ 36126
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After my divorce I read all about boundaries and the fact a second relationship too quickly can cause bigger heartbreak than the actual divorce!

I stayed away from most people on a daily basis. Now I am trying to get my feet underneath me and I feel different.

I can't tell if it is me or the different people or being an adult. For example I know I don't like it when people are rude to the waiter but I figure it is me being over sensitive. But when is it really like that bothers me!

At what point do you get to feel your emotions are real not a by product of this stuff? Do you miss out on things because these same feelings stop you?

I guess in my heart I feel a way but what if it is me wishing like I do that my ex will see the wrong in what he did or is doing but signing up for a group of people who have been used to being rude to wait staff?

Posts: 1563 | Registered: Jul 2012
SI Staff
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping so that members can read and give advice.

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
♀ 39764
Member # 39764
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My barometer is this question, "Is it reasonable?" Is it reasonable to not like someone being rude to the waiter? I'd say yes. Is it reasonable to cry uncontrollably over a story on the news? Probably not.

I just think it takes time to reclaim who you are and what you like or don't like separately from your spouse. Like everything else with this - it's a process.

My best to you.

He had a long-term affair. I found out 5-years after. We're divorcing after 30 years of marriage (10 of them happy ones). I'm just trying to find my way.

Posts: 29 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if it is a by product of "this" or if it is being a grown up, but I am completely comfortable excluding people from my inner circle based on rudeness to wait staff, or lying, or petty behavior, drinking, whatever.

Life is short. I don't want to waste it with people who make me cringe.

Me: 45, independent, happy, despite parallel parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 15 DS 12
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 7052 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
exhausted lady
♀ 30217
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a few years out.....and I found that if someone did something to give me that "gut clenching" feeling, it was time to move on. Always, always trust your gut.

A person that will be rude to waitstaff, will not hesitate to be an asshole to you later. If you feel that your date is looking for someone to validate him....he is.

Trust your gut, and don't be shy about saying "no thanks" to another date. It's your right for God's sake!!!!

Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr

Posts: 3171 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
Topic Posts: 5

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