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User Topic: When they still work together
Thera77
♀ 28841
Member # 28841
Default  Posted: 3:57 AM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They still work together, yes after all of this time and we are also in a situation where he can't find another job - we have looked, believe me. And I have looked for a job to make up the difference so that if he'd have to take a paycut we'd be ok. So far nothing has moved in that department for either of us, but we havenít given up.

FWH keeps strict boundaries when their work overlaps. A couple of months after DDay OW transferred to a station halfway across the state, so she was a non-entity during that time. Then she contacted FWH during a bid process last year (where they get moved around, based on seniority). OW emailed him over company email Ė which has been her primary mode of fishing post DDay, although I do have access to FWHís email and he forwards anything she sends and at that time he had maintained NC for 3 years. The reason for contact was because OW didnít think it would be a good idea for them to ďaccidentallyĒ end up as partners again, so she wanted FWH to text her where he ended up. With my permission he emailed her and gave his top 3. She replied twice within 30 mins with some attempts at pleasantries and asked that FWH still text her where he ended up. After we argued back and forth for a good week, FWH asked his then partner to text OW the day of the bids and hoped that would be the end of it. Well of course as I predicted, OW ended up at his station on a different shift. Coincidence? Yeah, right. Then she picked up overtime to work with FWH, but as far as I know he avoided her at all costs and she stopped doing it after 3 attempts. Plus around that time I started blocking her # since in a previous fishing attempt she'd said her BH had blocked FWH. Well with her asking FWH to text her in her emails it didnít seem like OWBH was being as diligent as before, so I decided to block her and when I told FWH a couple of months later he didn't bat an eye and said he was fine with it.

OW's BH#3 (and her FAP w/ BH#2) now works with their company part-time and just a few months ago ran into FWH on the job and shook his hand. Idk what that is about other than I am fairly certain OW did damage control and BH doesn't believe it was PA, like I had told him. Because even FWH admitted that would not be his response to a similar situation. Whatever.

Latest development and why I am dredging all of this up is that they did another bid process. FWH was promoted to management earlier this year and at that level only the CEO moves them. So, he is stuck at his current location unless his boss gets a wild hair up his butt and wants to shake things up. But he just found out a few weeks ago that OW followed her current partner and bid to be FWHís direct report. They all move around in January. So, now I am going to have to unblock OW and start monitoring all communication again because it is likely that her # will be showing up on my bill again. FWH says he will hand his phone to me at the end of every shift and anytime OW texts, but Iíll seriously feel like itís 4 years ago and I am at DDay +1 day. We have discussed at length what FWH is going to need to do in order to both be OW's supervisor and still protect the boundaries of our M. He's actually really depressed and is considering quitting his job in January. If it didnít mean living on the street, I would be all for it.

But really my bigger issue is WHY is she still doing this? Itís been 4 years and as far as I can tell, FWH has maintained NC and he has pretty much been a textbook Ríing WH. OW has never really honored his NC requests, fishing every so often but except for the 2 times about the bidding, he has maintained NC. So while Iím not that surprised by this latest move, it is concerning. When the PA exploded all over my life, OW wanted to go underground and FWH told her no Ė because he didnít want to be the OM. Yeah, itís really difficult not to laugh at that. So, OW responded to that rejection by pretending to be pregnant for 3 weeks which is a special kind of hell for an infertile BW with 3 miscarriages under her belt. OW used that as an in to keep texting FWH about stupid things to keep things going despite repeated requests for NC by him. When her BH finally blocked FWH from her phone, OW sent an email through work which was ignored. Idk why I am writing Ė Iím just frustrated that as much as things have changed, as much as this whole situation has altered my existence, and as much as I have fought to stay sane and R with FWH, OW is always there lurking in the background. I wish that he could find another job. And you know if weíre talking about wishes, I wish that I had a 100% faithful H. But thatís no longer my reality and honestly thank God that Iím in IC. I just donít know how Iím going to survive come January because I know that OW will try to blur those lines between co-workers and friends. I really do hate this. All of it.

[This message edited by Thera77 at 4:01 AM, December 12th (Thursday)]


Me 32, FWH 34 M 8.5 yrs @ A
Dday: 9/15/09 TT & limbo 'til 10/19/09 + 'pregnancy'
R'ing
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.

Posts: 467 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: my front porch you can see the sea
soconfusednow
♀ 40078
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 4:38 AM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But he just found out a few weeks ago that OW followed her current partner and bid to be FWHís direct report.

Does his boss know about the A and her contact attempts? Company policy may prohibit them from working together if she has to report to him. Seems like the company would want to protect themselves from a potential sexual harassment suit.

Did you keep the prior email showing how she deceitfully got the information where he would be located?

The fact that she bid for the position should prove she's trying to follow him. Can he claim harassment?

Should he be keeping a record of her attempts to protect himself if needed?


D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
NC-several
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 331 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Thera77
♀ 28841
Member # 28841
Default  Posted: 5:18 AM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His work is one of those who does not care. I told the HR lady 4 years ago and she gossiped about it to her daughter who works there who gossiped to her partner who gossiped to her fiance who was FWH's supervisor at the time, who gossiped to his partner and eventually it made its way to FWH's partner. So they backtracked it because he thought maybe OW was blabbing and found out that Nope, I was the source. So as far as keeping her away based on the past, it doesn't seem like they give a crap.

BUT you certainly make a good point about documenting all interactions. Honestly I do have a file in an email with all of OW's communications over the years. I just don't think that as it stands it would be enough to get one of them moved. But we'll wait and see what happens because I would love for her to get fired or transfered. Of course they just caught some guys clocking in for each other and didnt do anything about it. So, yeah, his work sucks on ethics issues.

eta: but I will look at their company policy and see if technically he can keep her from being a direct report due to their past.

[This message edited by Thera77 at 5:22 AM, December 12th (Thursday)]


Me 32, FWH 34 M 8.5 yrs @ A
Dday: 9/15/09 TT & limbo 'til 10/19/09 + 'pregnancy'
R'ing
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.

Posts: 467 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: my front porch you can see the sea
FeelingSoMuch
♂ 38814
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a dirty suggestion. Have FWH accept her as direct report then manage her 'over the stairs.'

As a manager myself, there are ways to make work life really unpleasant for an employee you would like to see quit. And there are ways to do it that are 'hands off,' so no one will blame FWH for it.

Make her work terrible hours. Give her junior, yet time-consuming duties. And so on. It's her choice to invade your family's life AGAIN.

I know, this isn't a proper response, but people do this kind of thing every day for much less. It's not revenge, you just want to be left alone.

Stay strong.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 509 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
steadfast1973
♀ 24719
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That could get her h slapped with a sexual harassment claim...


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Thera77
♀ 28841
Member # 28841
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That could get her h slapped with a sexual harassment claim...

Right. IF FWH does anything about it, he wants it to be above board and totally legal and justified specifically because of their past. It's a sticky situation that he got himself into. OW is perfectly capable of hanging herself. FWH thinks maybe she is having a PA with the current guy. It's her MO to do stuff like this. The year of the A, FWH was her third AP, 2nd work AP. Her current BH was an AP with her 2nd H. She was all of 26 years old then and yes on H#3. It's just par for the course with OW.

Because their placements are done by seniority and OWs current partner is fairly new to their company he ended up at the busiest location. OW hates to work hard, she loathes it. OW's choices were the current partner or her xBFF. And these 2 girls seriously had a public facebook fight when OW took issue with something xBFF was doing to raise her kids and so being partners with xBFF was I guess not something OW wanted to do. But because OW hates to work FWH is hoping she'll transfer again after a few months and that not even a possibly current AP will keep her.

Idk if OW is trying to cozy up to FWH because he's a manager now and as her BH told me on Dday - she finds guys with traits she wishes she had and dates them to 'get' that trait. Sometimes you just have to push through the feeling that you're getting chased by a hungry bear and do what you need to do for you. That's kind of where I am right now. But also totally hating that I even have to deal with this fall-out. Does the hatred of the crap sandwich ever subside?

Thank you all for your responses.

[This message edited by Thera77 at 11:48 AM, December 13th (Friday)]


Me 32, FWH 34 M 8.5 yrs @ A
Dday: 9/15/09 TT & limbo 'til 10/19/09 + 'pregnancy'
R'ing
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.

Posts: 467 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: my front porch you can see the sea
Topic Posts: 6

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