I think trickle truth is really common. In the moment it's so messed up because you're begging them for the truth, you need it to heal, to trust them, you NEED it and when they keep lying every day, when all these lies just keep coming out every single day, it's too much to handle, why can't they get this???
years later I talked to my H about this, he told me that early on he was freaking out, when I found out about the A he was in full on panic mode, he knew he was killing me with this and he didn't want to hurt me more and he also was kind of in denial about what he was doing. If you read about the fog, people in A's lie to themselves to justify their behavior "my wife doesn't love me so sleeping with this ho is ok" they convince themselves of this stuff, so in a moment he was slapped in the face with reality and looking at all the stuff he'd done was really hard and painful. I'm not making excuses here, I'm just giving the other side, my understanding of it at least.
So he was so scared to hurt me more, even when I'd ask him for details, he'd have this internal conflict "will this hurt her more, will this push her over the edge and make her leave? maybe if I keep this one detail from her, she'll not ask again" So I can kind of see that it wasn't that he was trying to drive nails into my heart ( which is what it felt like as you know ) he just didn't know what the heck he was doing and it was making it worse.
What I ended up doing was writing in my journal about all my issues/questions. When an issue would come up over and over I'd ask myself "will knowing the answer to this help me heal?" if the answer was yes, i would explain it to my H in that way, that I needed it and why. I usually would also tell him what I figured the answer was, sometimes it was easier for him to just agree with what I knew rather than say the words ( I knew you slept with her on this day, didn't you? he'd just say yes rather than, what days did you sleep with her )
I never did this but some people have their WS write a time line of the A that way they aren't on the spot to remember, they have some time to sort it all out and some memories, remind them of others.
In regards to handling the pain, I distinctly remember saying out loud, "this is all I can take, this is it, one more bad thing and I'll die"
all the fall out from the affair is the worst pain I have ever felt, everything I knew was a lie, my life was a lie, and I was emotionally alone. It's hard but I did make it, if I can you can. keep a journal, it really does help to get all the chaos out of your head. Try to find a good IC or someone to talk to that isn't a friend, we need someone to vent to, it's too much to keep it in and we end up lashing out at our spouse or kids.
read all the books, it keeps your mind busy and gives you tips that can help you heal.
Try to just focus on today, it can be overwhelming otherwise. What can you do today to find some peace?
I'm sending you hugs, you will be happy again, i am 100% sure of that. I never thought I would be and I am. I'm a better person and a stronger person than I was.