Here are the rules:
1) Must be an infidelity rant of the first order 2) Must parody an actual Christmas song 3) Actually, there are only two.
Sung to the tune of "Let it Snow"
Oh the weather outside is frightful And our day has been so fight full, So since he's a huge assho' Let hm go, let him go, let him go.
"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks
Skankho the brown-nosed 2-legged dear, Had a very stanky nose, And if you ever saw her, You would know for sure she's a ho,
All of the betrayed BS's, laugh as they call her name, They'll never let poor WS's, Join any more 2-legged dear games.
Then one foggy Karma's eve, karma came to say, Skank-ho with your nose so brown, Sorry but your skanky self is going down.
Then all the BS's loved it, As they shouted out with glee, All the skank-ho's in the world beware now, You'll live a life of misery!
H's nuts roasting like they're over an open fire, Wishing he'd never dipped his dick in a Ho, Letting his common sense be ruled by desire, For wicked sluts dressed up like ho's.
WS is a turkey that fucks ho's, Helps to make the season not so bright, While his balls burn like Hell all aglow Will find it hard to sleep tonight.
He knows that Karma's on it's way, Loaded with lots of hell and misery on D-day, And every cheating mother-fucker is gonna cry, When his spouse leaves without even a goodbye.
And so I'm offering this simple phrase, For WS's from one to ninety-two, Although it's been said many times many ways, Burn in hell forever and a big FUCK YOU!
I know I have more, but I have to find them...
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Joy to the world! The whore is gone Let men their songs employ While fields and floods Rocks, hills and plains Repeat the sounding joy Repeat the sounding joy Repeat, repeat the sounding joy
Later on, we'll conspire, and we'll fuck, I'll be a liar. It's just for one night but, oh Tomorrow we'll fight Slipping into a foggy cheatermind.
[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 9:15 AM, December 12th (Thursday)]
Frosty the Ice Queen was an unremorseful ho With her corn hole piped and a button nose and her heart was made of coal Frosty the Ice Queen is a fairy tale they say Said she wouldn’t go but the children know how she ruined our lives that day There must have been some magic in that jimmy hat they found For when they placed it on his head They began to fool around O Frosty the Ice Queen was alive as she could be And she justified all the hurt and lies while she blamed that shit on me Thumpity thump thump thumpity thump thump Look at Ice Queen go Thumpity thump thump thumpity thump thump Out of the house you ho Frosty the Ice Queen knew that I was hot that day So she said "I’ll run and I'll have some fun and your heart will melt away " Down to the village with her ring not on her hand Running here and there all around the square saying Catch me if you can She ran around the streets of town looking for some cock And he only paused a moment when She heard me holler "Stop!" For Frosty the Ice Queen had to hurry on her way But she waved goodbye saying "Don't you cry I'll regret this all some day " thumpity thump thump thumpity thump thump Look at Frosty go thumpity thump thump thumpity thump thump Out of the house you ho
My rendition of the Mr. Grinch song is as follows:
You're a mean one, Ms. Wench You really are a heel, You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel, Ms. Wench, You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel!
You're a monster, Ms. Wench, Your heart's an empty hole, Your crotch is full of spiders, you have harlot in your soul, Ms. Wench, Why would anyone touch you without a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!
You're a foul one, Ms. Wench, You have termites in your smile, You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Ms. Wench, Given a choice between the two of you I'ld take the seasick crocodile!
You're a rotter, Ms. Wench, You're the queen of sinful sluts, Your heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple ruts, Ms. Wench, You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!
You nauseate me, Ms. Wench, With a nauseous super "naus"!, You're a wicked dirty yucky and you thrive on fucking boss, Ms. Wench, Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots!
You're a foul one, Ms. Wench, You're a nasty wasty wank, Your mouth is full of unwashed cocks, your soul is full of dank, Ms. Wench, The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote, "Stink, stank, skank"!
[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 9:29 AM, December 12th (Thursday)]
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson "She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
Baby, your clothes’re outside. Baby, they’re frozen outside. I chucked them in those garbage bags. You spent the evening with that ho-man You didn’t care that we were alone. So you can turn around and go, man, And call her on your secret cell phone.
You really can't stay so baby, it's cold outside.
Away with a stranger A car for a bed. My husband f*ed somebody Else intead. He loves me, he means it But why oh why? Is my radar pinging With all of his lies? The cow-skank is lowing The poor baby wakes. And my wayward husband Keeps making "mistakes". He's sorry, he means it He'll tell her goodbye. And stay with me only Till judgment is nigh.
The cow-skank is lowing The poor baby wakes. And my wayward husband Keeps making "mistakes". He's sorry, he means it He'll tell her goodbye. And stay with me only Till judgment is nigh.
Have yourself a merry little fuckfest. I’ll divorce your butt. From now on, you’re trailer living with that slut. Have yourself a jolly little fuckfest. Gonna get the house. From now on, you will be very poor, you louse!
Here we are, not like olden days, happy family days before. This year, you won’t be living here. You’ve been with your whore.
So… off you go, go on now, Mr. Dickhead. What the hell—just git! You’re homeless? Well, I really just don’t give a shit! I’ll have myself a merry little Christmas now.
And steadfast, yours is short but AWESOME!
