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Being a my favorite part of my new beginning!

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She11ybeanz posted 12/12/2013 09:21 AM

You know.....I have wanted to be a mother since the day I said "I do" to my XWH...which was in 2005. So, when I found out he had cheated on me, not 3 and a half months post graduating grad school and not a month after getting my 1st real job at the end of 2009.....I was devastated! Because we had talked of starting our family that following February! I saw my whole American dream of the perfect family and perfect life flush down the toilet. And, when I got divorced in 2010 at the age of 31.....I thought my dream of being a mom was more than likely....just that. A dream. A dream that would never materialize.

Then, I met "sperm donor".....and fell completely head over heels for him. (WAY TOO SOON). Let's just say.....head over heels is probably more literal than anything....I fell in lust over him.....he was the best (TMI) in bed I had ever been with....EVER.... it was like God was giving me the gift of awesome sex....after 8 years of horrible non-orgasmic sex with my XWH... So, even though our personalities clashed and there were HUGE RED FLAGS slapping me in the face....I was too much in the fog of lust to care. I was also newly single..... VERY vulnerable.... and needy as hell!

Well....after our whirlwind on-again off-again relationship really got into months and months worth of bullcrap arguments, immaturity, and basically lots of emotional abuse due to his alcoholic binge drinking problem....I KNEW I didn't want to ever marry this guy.....or have children with him.

But, alas.....I digress. God had another plan. Piper's donor would not be the type of guy that I would date now.... not now that I have taken almost 2 years by myself and gotten to a place in my head where I have actual standards in place. But, God knew how badly I wanted to be a mom... so he expedited the process. Here is the short short version. I was on the pill. He said he had had a vasectomy (an apparent big surprise....he was a pathological liar) and after just ONE time of having sex that week..... My daughter came to be. I didn't even KNOW I was pregnant until 8 weeks. I ran my 2nd marathon at 3 weeks pregnant in 5 hours and 5 minutes. (I felt awful...gee....I wonder why! )

My 1st reaction? I cried. Like a baby (pun intended). I knew that having a child with this man-child was not something I wanted and my future would inevitably end up with me raising her alone without his help. I was devastated. Ironically....the day I saw her on the sonogram and she had "baby form" at 13.5 weeks....I fell instantly in love.....and had that "connection" with her. They told me she was 80% a girl at that appointment. I also decided in that moment that I didn't care what he did or if he "poofed" out of our lives....that I wanted her....and I would do anything to give her a good life.

That night....I woke up in a pool of my own shorts were soaked. I thought I had miscarried her. I wanted to die....and his mother rushed me to the hospital. While we waited for the results....I prayed to God to take me let her be okay. Please God let her be okay......and I will love her forever with all my heart.....please; all while he sat in the corner complaining about wanting to go back to bed.

I thought for sure.....I had lost her ...and suddenly my surprise baby.....became the one I wanted to save. To keep. To love. To cherish. Forever.

And, God answered. She was okay. And, I named her Piper. And, I kept my promise. Everything I do is for her.... everything. I would give my life for her. She is my one and only true new beginning. Sometimes the love of your life is not an SO....or a spouse... I believe it can be a child too.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 12:01 PM, December 13th (Friday)]

ajsmom posted 12/12/2013 09:29 AM

Well now, how cute is that?

You two look fabulous!

LOVE her tights!

Merry Christmas, Shelly! Merry Christmas, Little Miss Piper!


cayc posted 12/12/2013 10:05 AM

Very sweet Shelly. She looks just like you!

libertyrocks posted 12/12/2013 10:26 AM

Oh, Shelly, you're story made me cry! I am SO HAPPY for you. Honestly, being a mommy is the BEST thing that ever happened to me. Even if I am on my own with two little boys, they are my world! And, yes, I love them way more than STXH. It's a different kind of love. It's mandatory love, not an option like loving a man. I don't know that I will ever fall in love again, but falling in love with my two little boys is all I need.

Plus, I'm SO GLAD I don't have an alchoholic NPD father around my boys. I can do it just fine on my own with the help of my family.

You look ravishing, doll. And, Piper is too precious! Congrats, sweetie.

She11ybeanz posted 12/12/2013 10:26 AM

She looks just like you!

Thank you guys! I love it when people say that! She even wrinkles her nose up at me when she is mad like I did at her age!

She11ybeanz posted 12/12/2013 11:47 AM

Oh, Shelly, you're story made me cry! I am SO HAPPY for you.

Oh...thank you....I actually cried when I was writing it....and re-living those feelings and memories.... the good and the bad.... I remember the relief that washed over me when the doctor took my hand and told me that she was okay..... and I remember how much I LOVED being pregnant....eating what I wanted.....feeling her kick me and respond to my tummy rubbing..... I loved every moment of it....and I love baby hugs...they are the best kind of hugs!

And I swear...the other day when I said, "Goodbye sweetie....I love you" before heading off to work from my sister's house....that she said "I love you" back but it was in baby babble.....but sounded just like it.....I cried all the way to work in joy....

better4me posted 12/12/2013 12:23 PM

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, this post!

lost4now posted 12/12/2013 12:49 PM

I love being a mom too! It's the one thing I would never change about my marriage! My two daughters are happy and healthy and I am the luckiest woman alive to have had them!

You both look adorable. Thank you for sharing!

Enjoy your Christmas with Piper and cherish every moment!

She11ybeanz posted 12/12/2013 12:55 PM

Thank you everyone. I'm excited about Christmas....although when we did our 1st attempt at Santa pictures last weekend.....apparently he was the devil to my child and the picture they got is going to be of pure horror and terror! Do you find it ironic that if you re-arrange the letters of Santa, you get Satan? Coincidence? I think not....(at least not to Piper!)

That's why her tights in this picture above are so IRONIC.....cause she does NOT love Santa....not yet anyways....

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 12:56 PM, December 12th (Thursday)]

FaithFool posted 12/12/2013 14:14 PM

Griefstricken25 posted 12/12/2013 15:20 PM

She is such a doll! Merry Christmas, Mama and Piper!

meaniemouse posted 12/12/2013 16:01 PM

The first thing I thought when I saw the picture is Oh My Gosh--she is a mini YOU! What an adorable baby and such a gorgeous mama! I hope Christmas is magical for you both and that the new year brings loads of happiness.

PS--I would so LOVE to have some of those tights!

DeadMumWalking posted 12/12/2013 17:15 PM

Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttte tights!!

Enjoy every moment that you can with Piper.

As for sperm donor - F.T.G.

newlysingle posted 12/12/2013 17:29 PM

Very sweet. I agree that being a mom is the best thing I got out if this whole mess. Your dd is adorable too.

She11ybeanz posted 12/12/2013 21:57 PM

The first thing I thought when I saw the picture is Oh My Gosh--she is a mini YOU! What an adorable baby and such a gorgeous mama! I hope Christmas is magical for you both and that the new year brings loads of happiness.
PS--I would so LOVE to have some of those tights!

I want a pair of those tights too! She is sooo tall they barely fit! She is 16 months and those are 18 month tights and I have to stretch them goood to get them on those long legs! Thank you.... I'm glad she is a mini me...and when she squints that nose up at me like I used to do, it makes me laugh.....its hard to get mad at her when that bottom lip puckers out. She is a professional pouter... now I know what my dad was up against with me. He didn't have a chance!

k94ever posted 12/13/2013 08:58 AM

I remember your posts from that time.

Enjoy the journey that is motherhood.



lifestoshort posted 12/13/2013 11:41 AM

totally teared up. Happy for you :)

She11ybeanz posted 12/13/2013 12:04 PM

totally teared up. Happy for you

I cry every time I re-read it! I'm such a big baby!

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