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when to stop 180?

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Cabot posted 12/12/2013 10:52 AM

So WW and I are 6 weeks from D-Day 1, 2 weeks from D-day 2 and full truth (God I hope) including FOO.

she has taken full responsibility for the A and the damaged it caused.

has been in IC since D-Day 1

Has initiated NC (still working on full transparency which I know I will need)

We start MC next week

Is showing remorse for actions and is no longer cold shutdown and defensive.

Wants to work on R the M

She has been reading literature on rebuilding the M

Has been home from work on time every night(this was her time to have A)

However I still see times when she doubts R and she says it's because she doesn't think I could love someone who has done this and because she feels she has been unhappy in the M for a long time. ( issues I know we need to address in MC)

I know I want to work on R ( still have moments of doubt but only when is see she is having doubt)

I have been in IC since 3 weeks after D-Day. Doing much better im eating and sleeping better.
Im working on my own issues that I know didn't cause the A's but were factors in a M that was not all it could have been, and they are issues that I want to work on regardless if our M survives.

7yrsflushed posted 12/12/2013 15:29 PM

You stop the 180 when you feel you can stop it. Your WW's reactions to your 180 are irrelevant. The 180 is meant to help you focus on YOU. If your WS is unremorseful then some of the things in it help you to ignore there bullshit. SO if you want to talk to and interact with her then do so but NEVER stop focusing on you and what you want. 6 weeks is still really early, she has to fix herself, and from what you typed she still has a LONG way to go. Just be careful, if you want to interact more with her fine but start up the 180 again or parts of it as needed.

Personally the following statement would bother me.

(still working on full transparency which I know I will need)

You either have full transparency or you don't have it at all. There is no inbetween and she forfeited all rights to "privacy" when she cheated. If she wants her privacy then she can leave the M but if she wants to stay and try to R then she can't have one foot out the door, she has to be 100% in. The unhappy in the M thing still smells a like blamsehifting and means she isn't really digging into her whys. Just be careful based on what you typed she is still foggy imo.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 3:31 PM, December 12th (Thursday)]

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