SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Ornaments...

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

lisaloo posted 12/12/2013 11:51 AM

Christmas ornaments are my thing...I commemorate EVERYTHING with Christmas ornament. There are ornaments for every new sport or activity that DD played each year, every family vacation we ever went on, our wedding, our honeymoon, special trips STBXH and I went on, every graduation, every first whatever...every everything.

Fortunately, we have two crazy Bengal cats who would destroy (do destroy) the tree, and so last year and this year, I've decided to put up a tree with shatterproof ornaments in the living room, so I dont have to deal with the cats decimating my ornament collection (we were going to have TWO trees this year, the one with all our family ornaments was going to go in my office (where no little furballs can get in), but it's already more of a PITA to decorate this house with the one tree, since I know it's my last Christmas in my freaking dream house).

I digress...

I went into the attic yesterday to grab the wreath for the front door and a few other things to make the house festive for DD, and I found a little flat bubble wrapped package on the top of the box with the Christmas decorations...of course I opened it...it was one of those damn ornaments. It was, in fact, the stupid effing ornament I had purchased to celebrate our "NEW HOME 2012!!"

Seriously...it felt like a knife to the chest.

I chunked that ornament into the nearest open box and hightailed it out of the attic with my wreath, some bows, a snowglobe, and the shred of emotional stability that I am hanging onto.

Next year, when I have to go through the damn ornaments, it's just going to be like emotional cutting. Especially, since next year will be STBXH's year with DD...

It's like the punishment from his shitty actions are just going to keep on coming FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Divorce sucks.

betrayedfriend posted 12/12/2013 12:12 PM

Try to take the good feelings you had when purchasing those ornaments, and any that are specifically related to the x set aside for dd in a seperate box so that she can have them someday. In the mean time, be kid to yourself! Every ornament you buy from here out will be special to you because of the new beginning they represent. He can't take that away from you!

Nature_Girl posted 12/12/2013 12:22 PM

I feel you, sister! I'm in the same boat with all those damned personalized ornaments. Last year I put them all up. This year I'm going to be frank with my kids and let them know that some are too painful for me and won't be on the tree.

Lola7 posted 12/12/2013 12:36 PM

I'm with you. I have a sad little Christmas tree up because I haven't been able to finish it. But that's ok. When I put it away for the year, I'm going to throw out everything that makes me ill.

I'll start new next year.

cantaccept posted 12/12/2013 13:38 PM

Last year wh left in October and was gone through December. I took every ornament that had meaning and packed it in a box for him to take. We have a lot from 2002, the year we got married.

Fortunately they are still in a separate box in the closet, not with everything else in the attic.

He can have them or they go in the trash.

nowiknow23 posted 12/12/2013 13:41 PM

I boxed up every last one of the "us" ornaments - 24 flipping years' worth - and put them in his stuff when I Hefty bagged him.

He destroyed the marriage. I figured he should be responsible for taking out all the trash.

SBB posted 12/12/2013 14:14 PM

I'd be making a cat tree with all of those ornaments and let them go nuts on it.

Smash it, trash it, burn it - that's my motto for anything that might trigger me.

pregnantandsad posted 12/12/2013 15:34 PM

I just dealt with the same thing last week when decorating our tree, it's hard.

I did the same as some others above mentioned- put them in a box for him and handed it to him when he came to pick up DD for his visit. He threw away our marriage so he can throw away those too if he wants.

Lola2kids posted 12/13/2013 11:24 AM

Oh yes, the ornaments.

The year before Dday I had bought ornaments for the 4 of us, all our first initials.
Last year I wasn't going to put his on the tree and left it in the box. DD found it and asked if we could put it up. I hesitated and she said "Well, C is for Christmas." So we hung it last year and again this year.

She said this year that we need an H and a K for Hannukah and Kwanzaa.
Love that kid!!!

RedWheelBarrow posted 12/14/2013 03:34 AM

I hear you. I recently texted WS to come get *all* the boxed ornaments. DS chose just a few, and really didn't want to see them at all. I can't imagine EVER wanting them myself - looks like boxes of lies to me.

nekorb posted 12/14/2013 07:14 AM

Yeah. I left all of those for WH to put up on the tree this year. The last one was actually bought this year, while on vacation, just a few short days before DDay. I could barely look at it and I hate the he ruined that vacation for me. (I found out while we were on vacation with the kids).

I've already decided that I the chooses to leave he's taking all of his outdoor lights with him. I will do my own thing to the house, if I choose to do anything at all.

Sad in AZ posted 12/14/2013 07:23 AM

I decided to D him in November 2009. After Christmas, I packed up the ornaments, separating them by the ones bought for DS, me, and the X. Any joint ornaments (1st Christmas Together, etc.) went in the trash.

I'll be honest; I haven't had a traditional tree since then, so my ornament box hasn't been opened, but I don't regret the decision.

roughroadahead posted 12/14/2013 09:16 AM

I left all ornaments at the former marital home. This year, I went to Target and bought a big package of generic baubles. I also let the kids pick out one special one each so we can rebuild the collection. XH does have all of the baby first christmas ornaments and the like, but I guess I am not that sentimental. I didn't grow up in the US. When I was a kid, commemorative ornaments weren't really a "thing" while my xMIL's tree is full of "Merry Christmas 1983" type ornaments.

The only thing I need back from him are their stockings.

ruby44 posted 12/14/2013 09:42 AM

Have I told you how much I love my daughters...they decorated the tree and quietly put all the ornaments that reflected my M back in the box. Put up the stockings etc totally decorated him out of the family Christmas. I really love them. They are the best. Worse, my stbxFIL worked for hallmark so we had quite a few.

justjim posted 12/14/2013 12:51 PM

I have been wanting to put up the tree, but just can't face opening up the box of ornaments.

Since she walked out on Thanksgiving Day, the wounds are still pretty fresh. We should have been putting the tree up together.

Think I am going to have to take a pass this year.

nowiknow23 posted 12/14/2013 12:56 PM

((((jim)))) Understandable, honey. The first year, I went through the motions with the kids of getting the tree, and then it sat unlit and undecorated until we took it down. They weren't up for decorating it, either. Do what feels right for you, not what you think you "should" do. Sending you comfort, jim.

caregiver9000 posted 12/14/2013 13:07 PM

I let the kids wrap and give some of "his" ornaments back to him for Christmas. Saved me having to buy him something from the kids. Kids were happy to have a gift to wrap and give and they KNEW he would like it.

Re-gifting is the wayward style. He re-gifted himself right out of the marriage.

The "our first Christmas" stuff went into the gargage. I didn't even take the energy to smash them first. Just trash.

(((hugs))) for those triggering with this.

ruinedandbroken posted 12/14/2013 14:18 PM

I feel you.

I took all of our ornaments, packed them in a box, and shipped them to him UPS.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.