I'm just feeling yucky. I do ok focusing on work or school for a little while, but then reality hits and I remember. I remember how WS lied, how she made me feel when she was withdrawn, how she didn't care, how angry she was, how she was making some other insignificant piece of whore shit feel special while removing all communication and specialness from me...and I feel it seep into my heart. The sadness, the grief, the overwhelming realization that it will never be the same. She can't take it back, I can't minimize it as a friendship gone wrong with even done good intentions, I can't go back to seeing her as all this goodness that I lucked into in my life. Not anymore. And no matter where I am or who is around, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I want to wail. I want to hit things. I didn't deserve this. Our son didn't deserve this. I can't believe it happened. Will she be able to fix it? Will I?
