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Newest Member: Else (61873)

User Topic: My knee jerk reaction to be "nice"
♀ 41218
Member # 41218
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think about the A all the time but I choose not to bring it up all the time. Today WH and I are emailing back and forth at work and keeping it light, like we used to do before DDay.

Like he used to do with the OW before DDay.

They're giving away slices of fancy pound cake at his work, and he's going on about how delicious this almond pound cake is.

And then my doormat mentality kicks in: "I should make a pound cake for WH! That would be nice! He might like that!" That's how I've thought for years.

I need to remind myself that I can't nice WH back into being a good husband. I tried nice and it wasn't enough.

Me - BW 36
Him - WH 41
Together 12 years, married 7
3 year LTA with former coworker
DDay 10/29/13
He says he wants to R... can I live with what he's done?

Posts: 165 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
♂ 40996
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Indeed. Nice guy mentality just seemed to foster this nasty side of my WW even more.

Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Posts: 534 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
♀ 41429
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my first reaction, too.

But then I remember that WH hasn't done anything recently to deserve anything nice.

Edited for spelling

[This message edited by littlefoggy at 3:17 PM, December 12th (Thursday)]

Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13

Posts: 505 | Registered: Nov 2013
♂ 41457
Member # 41457
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My first reaction too, and it didn't work.

Kicking her out didn't work either. Just saw pictures of them on Facebook at the same function yesterday, and I know that no one in the room has a clue what they're doing. That may change though. Let me her file for D because I told people. Being nice and keeping it more-or-less to myself is not working.

Posts: 414 | Registered: Nov 2013
♀ 41631
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand this reaction, it's what used to do before Dday. Its hard to stop thinking of them and doing nice things. They don't deserve it though…and obviously didn't appreciate it when they had it.

Me: 37
2 amazing kids DS, DD

Posts: 289 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 5

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