SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I hate this. I really, really do.

The ex is supposed to pay me a percentage of his gross income from commissions (and to ensure I get the right amount, he is supposd to show a monthly paystub).

So he owes me about 2300, most of which is a commission from August. He is now non-responsive on my queries for payment.

I am really tired of subsidizing his lifestyle. It would be one thing if he lived simply and struggled to make ends meet. But he lives lavishly--two late model cars (both with notes) a 40-foot motoryacht, trips to the Caribbean . . . The list goes on.

I am very tired of filing complaints for contempt (if I do another, it will be the fifth one in 7 years--he is that non-compliant). I have my last semester of college tuition to pay, and I was very much hoping to use the funds for that.

I guess I am just venting. If I file a complaint for contempt, he will pay up at the last minute, as he usually does. And it is more money wasted chasing him for something he knows he is supposed to pay.

The last time I did this (last summer) he threatened to cut off support to the oldest CatKid if I didn't capitulate.

Oh, and did I mention he inherited 3/4 of a million from his mother's estate in 2009.

Asshole.

Cat

Can you file something in court on your own? Then, if he really makes it go to court, get an attorney. It would be cheaper than paying an attorney to do it.

So predictable. What a jagoff.

Unbelievable.

I'm at a loss for words to adequately express how dirty he is and how disgusting his actions, or rather his lack of actions are.

I'm sorry!

the predictability of it has to be so frustrating. not a think you can do to stop it even though you know its coming. i'm sorry :(

I agree you should file for contempt on your own. You should have a copy of previous filings, just use that as a template

What an asshole, making you file to get money.

he is a special kind of asshole. Ugh.

Next time you have to file, take all of your previous complaints with you, along with the amount of money you expended on them, and ask the judge to have him reimburse you for the funds that you expended to force him to do something that he is legally bound to do.

It gets better. I just got this from him today. No response yet.

To clarify, I asked him to negotiate a payment schedule with me. He has refused. My interpretation? He wants to keep jacking me around as long as possible because he enjoys it. Whatever.

I don't have the money.

It's either pay you or pay the mortgage. I can't come up with a plan because I don't know what my variable income will be. And on my salary I'm already in the red every month. I have no 401k or retirement left either, as I spent most of that on helping CatKid1 and just keeping up with the bills. I've got barely enough to cover CatKid2's last tuition payment. And I still have to pay you $800/month for "child support", even though the kids see none of that. After the mortgage you are my biggest yearly expense.

I am not trying to shirk my obligation. I've told you I will pay you.

If you want to go to court then that's up to you. I'll show the judge my finances, and we'll see how that affects the alimony and support moving forward. They can "slap" me with contempt or attorney's fees or whatever. I won't be able to pay those either, so I guess the alternative is...jail time? If that's where I have to go then I'll go. Which means I'll be unemployed (and ruined) and you'll get nothing. And you can explain to the kids why you put me in jail.

I'm not doing this because I want to, believe me. I'd much rather pay you and not have to deal with you. We're talking $xxxx here. I'll try to get you another $xx by the end of the month- I'll just skip my car payment for Jan. I may have some commissions coming in Jan (which after taxes you'll net as much as I do. This alimony obligation prevents me from ever getting ahead).

I am being honest and don't know what else to do. I am looking for a new job as this company is struggling and I'll have my lowest income in 10 years. I am hoping to get past tuition and past support next year and that will help a lot. And with a better paying job (of course the more I make the more you make) things will hopefully improve.

So there you have it. Please understand.

To clarify, he drained his 401(k) LONG before CatKid1 got into graduate school. He also stole $30K from their college accounts, which were specifically called out in the agreement to be used for their educational expenses.

The man CANNOT live within his means. No one needs two late-model cars, a 40' yacht, an expensive house or a lavish lifestyle. What he fails to realize is that a judge is only going to look at income, as the view is that expenses can be adjusted. No one "needs" all of the crap he has. This year alone, he has put a new diesel engine in the yacht, gone on a sailing junket to Bermuda, gone to the Indianapolis 500 and Lord only knows what else. If that's broke, I'd like to be there.

He has frittered away $740,000 from his mother's estate. Nothing to show for it--just crap.

Skan, I wish I could get back all the money I've spent chasing him for alimony and child support and his share of kids' expenses. But unfortunately, that is not how the law works.

He is unreal. I hope he hits bottom really, really soon.

Cat

Cat, oh my goodness! It is absolutely appauling that he can go each day with what he has done.

I fear the same fate will fall me, but I won't R with him even though I know he will have a lifelong vendetta like your ex does in making our lives miserable.

They make plans to try and make us miserable. Pathetic.

Cat, I get it, and I am so sorry. what an ass he is.

Oh Catwoman ... I am so sorry. What's happening to you is one of my worst worries. It just not right or fair. I don't have any words of advice ... I hope others who have BTDT can offer suggestions.

Politely suggest he sell one of the cars (or boat) and thus won't have the car payment. That should ease his situation just fine.

I am so sorry you have to deal with his crazy-making excuses. He just can't help himself, and oh boy, does he like to using the kids!

You have your sanity, you have him out of your daily life thank God. Soldier on, only thing you can do.