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Found out two months ago my SO has been having an affair for the past four years. We've been married for 10, so that's almost half our marriage. I was in shock, then in a rage, now just awful depression. Can't get out of bed. On meds but not really helping. I just can't believe the lying. Feel like such an idiot. Now she wants to try, now that I busted her, to work on our marriage. But I don't think I can ever get past this. Really. I feel so done. But we have two young children and I dread doing this to them. Feel trapped. When will this pain and fog stop so I can make a decision?

Don't be in any rush to make a decision. And even if you do make a decision, there is no fine for changing your mind: If you decide to reconcile, you can still decide to leave any time in the next 100 years.

You're in no shape to make any major decisions right now.

((Ceejay)) You really don't have to decide anything right now, not today, not in the next two weeks, not even next month. Be patient, kind and sensitive with yourself.

Focus on the kids, focus on getting food and water down your throat. She may say she wants to work on the M but you'd need to wait and see what her actions are anyway to know what your real choices are.

What she has done already may be a dealbreaker but you don't have to know that today. Today, you have to read the 180 (Healing Library, BS FAQ #11). Today you have to take care of you!

Take your time, focus on you and the kids. I get strength every time I do something I know is good and fun for my kids. This leads to calming me down and doing things for me. It is so hard. Just because they made choices without you doesn't mean you can't start making choices now. choose the little things. best of luck I hope you feel better.