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Newest Member: Alleycats (61167)

User Topic: Triggers ever co
♀ 39228
Member # 39228
Default  Posted: 12:45 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know this is not a new question. And if I weren't slightly inebriated I might be able to search old posts for answers, but I'm still wondering if triggers can ever completely go away.

We came really close to moving an hour away, largely due to my triggers, but didn't. Now it seems we'll be here for at least 2 1/2 years until our daughter graduates HS. And even then, I know my WH doesn't want to move. And I don't really know that I want to move unless its out of the general area he does business (has his own company). And I don't know how realistic that is.

My triggers have definitely improved, I'm happy to say. But they aren't gone. I wonder if we stay here, if the places that casue even small triggers now will always be a sore spot in some way. Is it possible that they could really go away completely? Cause I so don't want to live like this forever.

Me BS 44
Him FWS 45
Married 23 Years
DDay 1 July 2012
DDay 2 Christmas Day 2013 same woman
EA with kissing, very strong bond and talk of leaving spouses for each other.

Posts: 93 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Triggers do lessen over time. Hearing OW's first name would set me off into a panic attack. Now? I don't even think of her. Sending you strength.

Posts: 50580 | Registered: Mar 2011
♀ 41245
Member # 41245
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I find myself being triggered too, by similar situations - which are good because then I can act on them and insist on proper boundaries. But also things like facebook - seeing others responding to wh's posts etc - which I may or may not follow up on I don't know yet. I think that the important thing is that the feelings are inside of you, regardless of place - and may follow you wherever you go. So it is important to address the feelings with your wh so that you can work through them together as a couple. Geographic place is not as important as emotional space. I hope you can get to a place of peace, because you deserve to feel safe where you live. And I think that has a lot to do with how well your spouse is supporting you or not through this.

Married 10 years, together for 15
Me: BS Him: chronic boundary issues, EA for 2 years, DD Spring 2013

Posts: 296 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 3

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