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This is probably really stupid

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Lostandpregnant posted 12/13/2013 08:50 AM

But I always touched my rings, and twirled them..and I hate how it feels now to just be bare.

I don't want to just wear a random ring..I don't want to wear any just makes me feel shitty.

nutmegkitty posted 12/13/2013 08:52 AM

It took me a while to get used to no rings. I used to play with mine too.

Hang in there, you are doing GREAT.

PhoenixRising88 posted 12/13/2013 09:00 AM

(((((lost)))))...breathe....I hear you about the rings. Finally took mine off about a month ago. I'm down to only reaching to play with them two or three times a day now...It gets easier.

BAB61 posted 12/13/2013 09:28 AM

OMG, not stupid at all! I've been thinking about my rings....pawn them and have some cash......take them to a jeweler & have a Divorce ring made......what to do? Ironically the diamond in my engagement ring has a huge flaw in it. What do you know? Prophesy? smh
Buy a nice bracelet to play with!

burnedcanuckEMS posted 12/13/2013 09:31 AM

Thats not stupid at all! My ring finger had a ring indent that didn't go away for almost a year!! Every time I looked at it I was reminded of my imploding life situation! Now a year and a half later the indent is pretty much gone, but whenever I get dressed up to go out somewhere that damned finger feels bare and empty. My strategy is I wear a really nice ring my mom gave me when I was 16. Somehow it makes me feel better.

damncutekitty posted 12/13/2013 09:45 AM

I remember how hard I cried looking at that ring indent.

Last summer I sold my wedding ring at one of those gold places in the mall and took my SO out to dinner with the proceeds. It felt pretty damn awesome.

ninebark posted 12/13/2013 09:46 AM

That's funny because I felt the exact same thing when I took mine off.
They are still sitting in my jewelery box, I am not sure what to do with them now.

Reality posted 12/13/2013 09:48 AM

I made myself rethink the whole ring symbolism entirely. When you step outside the ring representing a unity and continuation and all that, it starts to look remarkably like a shackle.

I know that sounds WAY emo, but remove the convention and look at it. Stripping away the "what its supposed to be" versus "what it is" is a process we all take on lots of different levels during infidelity, whether the marriage dissolves or not.

Shiny rocks. Shiny metal. The smooth clean skin of my finger. In all the puns possible, I choose the finger.

lifestoshort posted 12/13/2013 09:57 AM

i did the same thing so I just switched a different ring to that hand. even that felt weird but after a bit it made me happy to see something on there. seeing a bare hand make me think "failure" and I am not. i will probably buy something expensive to wear on it soon. it may even look engagement but I dont care. I want something pretty.

IrishLass518 posted 12/13/2013 10:03 AM

It took me forever to take them off and then I would constantly be feeling for them. I am twirler also. Eventually I stopped although I still have days when I feel for them and I wonder what the heck I am doing.

careerlady posted 12/13/2013 10:22 AM

I haven't taken mine off yet. It's pretty and I like to play with it but I also feel like fraud. At the same time hoping to sell it and afraid I'll lose it. I'm sure the Snake thinks I keep it on out of love...

WeepingBuddhist posted 12/13/2013 10:32 AM

I took mine off the day I told him I wanted a divorce. I lost a lot of weight after I found out about the A so mine hadn't fit properly for a while and kept getting left in my gloves so my first thought now is that they've fallen off.

7yrsflushed posted 12/13/2013 10:37 AM

Took me a few months to get used to it as well. I kept getting dressed in the mornng and would look for my ring then realize I didn't wear it anymore. I used to play with my class ring on one hand and the band on the other. Now I just twirl the class ring. Give it time after awhile it won't bother you.

BrokenRock posted 12/13/2013 10:46 AM

My ring stayed on my finger since the day it was placed there by my WW on our wedding day. 10.5 years. It came off the day I found out she was staying at some guys condo. We are just at the start of this divorce and it has been incredibly hard.

I can feel that the ring is missing and, that it has only made the hole in my heart bigger. I do not know what I will do with it but, I do know that it's removal diminished me. I miss it and wish, hope, and pray that the vow it represented was not broken. But the reality is that it is over now. The ring missing gives it permanence.

careerlady posted 12/13/2013 10:49 AM

Just took mine off (you guys inspired me). What pisses me off is that the Snake was always taking his off for karate, cooking, etc and forgetting to put it back on. I often would nag him to put it on before we went out. He took it off when I had him served I think and probably doesn't miss it at all

7yrsflushed posted 12/13/2013 10:50 AM

I do know that it's removal diminished me.
Brokenrock, you honored your wedding vows so nothing about you is diminished. Your WW is the one that failed to understand what vows mean and dishonored herself and what the rings meant. If anyone has disgraced or diminished themselves it is your WW. If your DDay is recent, it's early for you. You did nothing wrong and honored your vows so don't put yourself down for something your WW did. She chose to go out and tarnish what the rings meant.

NewMom0220 posted 12/13/2013 10:56 AM


It's the little things some days, isn't it? I miss my ring too, but eventually I'll buy myself a nice one to represent how I made it out of the fires of hell in one piece.

I took my rings off after DDay and never put them back on. Every once in a while I look at other married people's rings and I get a pang in my chest. I think it starts to go away with time.

Sending you hugs (((Lostandpregnant)))

[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 11:03 AM, December 13th (Friday)]

Lostandpregnant posted 12/13/2013 11:27 AM

I guess I mourn it also because we picked them together, and they were engraved with words that meant so much to me..they were one of a kind made, and I SO treasured them.

Fucking hell. Does the hurt NEVER end?

hexed posted 12/13/2013 11:52 AM

I used to do that all the time. I missed it.

I bought myself a nice pendant with my birth stone in it. I wear it almost all the time. I play with that now instead.

Thefly559 posted 12/13/2013 12:06 PM

I thought I was the only one who felt like this. Yes I too felt silly but I miss my ring . I threw it in sewer on d day. Not too smart but I was not in good shape then . I used to be so proud to wear my ring and see hers on. I hate seeing others with it now.

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