But................... if you could build a time machine and change something in your past with your X, what would it be??
I would go back and kick my own 19/20 year old ass. I would tell myself not to make excuses for him, he is a dick. Run, run now! the first time he showed me who he was. I realise now that he could never be emotionally mature, his FOO ensures that.
Obviously we cant go back but maybe it might be helpful to type out the 'shoulda/coulda/wouldas".
Now that I know better, I can do better. Maybe it took this shit storm to truly show me how much better I can do. But then, would I be were I am now? I might have been better off or not - who knows.
its all just crazy making
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou
Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.
But I guess I still wouldn't go back and change it, because then I wouldn't have my kids. At the end of the day, I would go through all this a million times more if it means I still get these great kiddos.
I think for me this is the hardest thing. To accept that I 'had' to go through this to keep the joys that I now have (be they kids or otherwise) in my life.
I hate that it has taken such an event to realise what is good in life and appreciate it, I am thankful however that I am able to appreciate it. I still want to kick my own ass for putting up with it
But at the same time I wouldn't have my darling DS. But what if I could have had DS with a better father? The thought haunts me
after I dumped him for his bad temper when we were dating 12 years ago. But he was like a pathetic devoted little puppy and I relented 😁
I too dumped my x 16 years ago. I think that is what I am kicking myself about today.
If I hadn't have taken him back all those years ago could my life be better.
IDK, its pretty awesome but I managed that in spite of him. My biggest fear is that I might not get the choice now to be a mum.
Not something that I could ever have seriously considered with him but now I am 36 and starting again. My baby window is pretty much gone and I am only now mourning that.
[This message edited by HurtsButImOK at 2:59 PM, December 13th (Friday)]
When he proposed - I'd have stuck with what I originally said - "ask me again, a year from the day I return from overseas". Instead I let him lovebomb me into marrying him within 2 months... I really think I would have caught on if I'd had that year.
But, here's where I'm bending the rules further - I'm keeping my kids, and I imagine I'd have had more, had I been with someone who didn't emotionally abandon me both times I was pregnant.
And hell! While we're at it - I'm investing in Microsoft!
He had dumped me for bitchface. But after months "he missed me, he loved only me" I did not fall for it right away, but damn it eventually I did!! We were teenagers, what the hell did I know??
40+ yrs later I have endured his "boundary issues" about once a decade. (didn't know what they were called all those years!)
I figure I would still have had my kids, as they were destined to be mine. Their dad, on the other hand, might have just been a man with some balls!!!
I would have stayed away the first time I dumped him - 6w into the relationship. I wish I never had children with him. These girls would have been mine with or without him. I wish I had had them with someone who would have been a half decent father.
I'll never understand why he did what he did and how we got here. But I'm moving on and not dwelling. I know I brought my A game to our M. I was good to him.
So if I had a time machine, I'd go back to any of those days when we cuddled before bed so I could hold him one last time. I 180ed/NCed so fast, I never hysterically bonded or got that last chance to say goodbye.
Now, I am unemployed and can't afford to file yet. So, I'm stuck in limbo land after a 3rd DDay.
But I will get a job someday and be able to cover my kids on insurance and get my own place (hopefully back in our former town) and file on his ass and I will be OK. I just hate waiting and wish this were already behind me!
We would have had very little to lose at that point. He was living in an apartment by himself while I was still living at home with my parents, so we didn't have any joint property together. We had a tiny wedding about a year later, so we wouldn't have lost anything on wedding expenses. It would be another six years before I'd become pregnant with our first child, so there wouldn't have been any custody issues. I wish I had taken advantage of the nice, clean break that life had presented to me, but, naive fool that I was, I didn't.
Maybe it would be better not to change anything.
It was always a dream of mine to hit my 50th wedding anniversary, and now that can't happen.
I was happy with XWH. I am happy single. I absolutely loved being married, and I would have been even happier had I married a decent guy,
I so wish I could go back in time and do things differently. But since I can't, I just have to make the best of a terrible situation.
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny