SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

seenow posted 12/13/2013 15:11 PM

What are your rules for this?

SoVerySadNow posted 12/13/2013 15:36 PM

My WH is here. He mostly reads, but posts periodically. I don't think he's ever started a thread of his own, but if he did I would not post on it (even if it was outside of the Wayward forum) and he will not post on mine. We don't tend to post on the same threads either. We may have once, not realizing that we had.
We discuss things that have come up in the forum. We worry over people here too.
We don't use the forums as a platform for an argument- those happen in our own home, in private.

I will add that he sometimes has difficulty understanding what I am desperately trying to convey to him because it is so emotionally charged, but reading someone else's post on SI saying the same thing allows him to understand. He can stand back a bit and take it in at level comfortable to him and build from there to "get it" better.

sodamnlost posted 12/13/2013 16:15 PM

I wish I had not told WH about this site. He used it to manipulate me and see where my head was. He posted, bogus smoke blowing BS (NOT the betrayed spouse meaning here) posts. I found myself filtering often - wanting to post but knowing he would read so is not post or comment. He never even reads anymore and we are separated so I guess it's not an issue.

I would say set ground rules. Are you guys ok with commenting on each other's posts? Reading? SI can be an amazing gift for a couple in TRUE R or yet another tool for destruction with a WS who's heart isn't true.

Lostinthismess posted 12/13/2013 16:59 PM

I told my husband about the site. And I credit this site for me still being married. He was/is truly remorseful and I think he thought that was enough. He had no clue the damage he had truly done. The wayward side and reconciliation forum have been very helpful. I've sent him links to threads, and he's read something and asked if I felt the same. We both read what the other writes, but we haven't yet posted on each other's threads. It's not a rule, we just don't.

seenow posted 12/13/2013 17:11 PM

Thanks everyone!

((sodamnlost))

sisoon posted 12/14/2013 16:33 PM

We won't use SI for communicating between us.

I check WS very rarely, so I don't see her posts, but I would not look at a thread she started.

She doesn't look at threads I start.

In general, we avoid each other's posts, but if we run across a response in a thread, we can read it.

I ran across one of her posts, and I think she described herself all wrong. It took a lot of effort to refrain from saying so. IMO, that proves the wisdom of staying away from her posts on WS....

[This message edited by sisoon at 4:36 PM, December 14th (Saturday)]

seenow posted 12/14/2013 18:52 PM

Thanks Sisoon.

stillprettyupset posted 12/14/2013 20:40 PM

Don't mean to hijack the thread but Sis just raised an interesting point. How does your WS view themselves differently from how a stranger or a loved one would view them? It boggles the mind.

HFSSC posted 12/14/2013 20:44 PM

I was here for a good while before my H joined. I wanted him to join or at least read much sooner but it took one final blowup when I discovered broken NC and told him I was done trying to fix things. He joined here, posted, asked for advice and followed it. He pretty much sticks in Wayward but does read the other forums. When he joined, I told him anything I posted in Recon, OT or F&G was safe, but anything in General should be considered "read at own risk" I was not going to censor myself.

It has worked well for us.

cannot forget posted 12/14/2013 20:53 PM

I asked WH to come here and read, but he won't. I wish he would because there is so much he can learn from everyone here.

seenow posted 12/14/2013 21:05 PM

Thanks everyone. I don't think I will post on WH threads (not that there are more than 2!). I wish there were more but maybe those in the Wayward just don't stroke his ego enough... Little harsh maybe? I also don't want his handle on my signature. At least he is here occasionally.