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steadfast1973 posted 12/13/2013 16:42 PM

Have you, or your WH, if you're the BS, used erotic hypnosis? My WH had used it in his "spank bank" for a while... I listened to an mp3 i found on his computer, and it's creepy. Made me question if that played a part in his sudden desire to use a prostitute. (The prostitute fit the description of the "mental dominatrix". ) He said that the ordeal with the "escort" felt unreal... Like he was just watching more porn. Until he finished... Like I don't wanna say, he was brainwashed, lol... He did this... I know that. But I wonder if it made him more susceptible, like... Blurred his boundaries more...

I mean, i dunno how these MP3s would get a person off, it's more... Well... "You want to do all of these things for me." And " I am the only woman you want." I mean really creepy stuff... He has watched porn our whole marriage, but he didn't turn cold toward me until he started with that crap. I took sexy pictures of my self for him for his birthday, and he asked me, "what am I supposed to do with these?" He would like get mad at me for suggesting we have sex... Almost like I was an OW. His porn habits also ramped up big time during the time he was listening.

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 4:45 PM, December 13th (Friday)]

steadfast1973 posted 12/13/2013 16:51 PM

Or am I just still trying to grasp this as not his fault? This while thing is making me crazy...

Ostrich80 posted 12/13/2013 17:40 PM

I'm not real clear on what he's doing. I haven't heard of this and I thought I had heard and seen it all.

steadfast1973 posted 12/13/2013 17:46 PM

He bought and downloaded sound files of erotic hypnosis... He listens to it, while masterbating... I guess... It's weird, i know... And completely freaks me out. I wondered if anyone else had heard about it. I found it on his computer when I was getting my timeline... He started it in 07. But hadn't done it in years, then a year ago, started again. Then... 6 months ago, he became cold toward me... Then started with a curiosity with escorts...

Gotmegood posted 12/13/2013 17:51 PM

More info please. I've never heard of a spank bank....collection of material used for masterbation? And I have no clue what classifies as erotic hypnosis. You might get answers from a therapist perhaps.
But look, whatever is going on, this is cheating. Right?

Gotmegood posted 12/13/2013 17:57 PM

Well, I bristle at the phrase *curiosity with prostitutes*. This man KNOWS what prostitutes do, he's not a 17 year old kid without a girlfriend. He is consciously, on purpose, with knowledge, having sex outside of your relationship. And I know it hurts you, or you would not be here. I would think you might start by clarifying what is acceptable to you to live with.

steadfast1973 posted 12/13/2013 18:47 PM

"Spank bank" is a collection of materials for masturbation. Sorry.

Yes, he cheated. He did have sex with a prostitute, but the "curiosity" started months ago. He'd set up meetings, and cancel them. Chat with them until they tired of his BS and quit talking to him... Etc. it took months to actually seal the deal, of you will. i am not trying to excuse anything he's done. I was trying to see if anyone had any insight on the genre. Because it is bizarre.

He is not doing these things anymore, and is seeking IC. He confessed, on his own, just over 12 hours after he was with the prostitute... I didn't find the extent of his porn usage and prostitute chatting until after he had already told me about all of it.

i am sorry I am not being clear, I have asperger's syndrome so it's hard for me to explain something entirely new to someone.

steadfast1973 posted 12/13/2013 18:50 PM

And no, none of this is acceptable in my marriage. I'd suggest googling "erotic hypnosis", to see what I am talking about, but don't... My WH was into some weird stuff this last year... I don't want to send anyone else too deeply into that cesspool. To be honest.

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 6:54 PM, December 13th (Friday)]

StillGoing posted 12/13/2013 20:23 PM

Googled it and it looks kind of funny IMO. Though I think hypnosis is bullshit beyond placebo to begin with.

I'm sure it did blur his boundaries, but in the same way most WS do, he was letting them blur and finding shit to involve himself in. If he really thinks they have some kind of magical power you could sneak some Stay The Fuck Married tracks in there instead so the next time he listens to that nonsense he will hypnotize himself into getting you flowers and painting your toenails or something.

Nature_Girl posted 12/14/2013 02:15 AM

Or am I just still trying to grasp this as not his fault?

That would be my impression.

He has serious problems. Problems you can't fix and most certainly should not try to excuse away. HE has to fix his problems. He has to want to fix his problems.

steadfast1973 posted 12/14/2013 05:08 AM

Oh, my god, i need to get some of those stay the fuck married mp3s!

Interestingly enough, the voice of his favorite, is also the voice on the guided meditation file my doctor gave me to deal with panic attacks...

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