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Newest Member: Else (61873)

User Topic: New here, calling for help please!?
♀ 41650
Member # 41650
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out about my husbands other woman two weeks before I had our second baby. We have been together 6 years, he was my soul mate, best friend, love of my life and we were always inseparable. He just completely changed when this girl started to work at the same place he did. He became a different person within a month. Its been 8 and a half months since my discovery date, and its been a massive roller-coaster of lies, betrayal and deceit, but I have got back with him to try and reconcile, its not worked out, now I am trying to move on alone and I just do not know how. How I cope with two young children and maintain a peaceful family life for them? How do I exist when so much of me was part of him, I cant go anywhere, do anything, or even wake up in the morning and look at my babies without being reminded of everything that I've lost?

Posts: 1 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: plymouth, uk
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome noclue...I'm so sorry you had to come looking but you will be amazed by the support and wealth of helpful info.
Has your husband moved out or is he still at home and seeing ow. The healing library is probably where you should start. You say the R didn't work, does that mean your divorcing or onthe wait and see train. Again I'm so sorry this is happening. It sucks, that's for sure.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 41303
Member # 41303
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMHO its not you that lost its him. wonder what he will feel like when you are one day happy and content and have moved on? wonder what he will feel when you meet someone special and he is with his kids all the time? Sounds like hes still in a fog? Does he want it all to end? Is he with the OW? Sending you hugs and strength.


Life is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath away.

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: canada
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey there. It can be slow around here on the weekends, so please, don't get discouraged if it seems like people are just trickling in.

First off, please look in the upper left corner at the yellow box. Click on The Healing Library. Start reading. There's a lot of good information in there for you that has been written by people who have also walked this horrible path. Knowledge is power. In that vein, have you been to see a lawyer yet to find out what your rights are and about child/spousal support? You need to know all of this so that you can make good choices.

Please. Take care of yourself. Stay hydrated, eat what you can, and rest as much as you're able. You need to be kind to yourself and take care of yourself so that you can take care of your beautiful babies. From this point on, you sole concern should be your health and that of your babies. In The Healing Library, you will find a reference to the 180. Read it very carefully. This is meant for you, to help give you tools to detach so that you can start making decision based on what you need vice what you hope from him.

Come back often for support. We're all here for you.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10206 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. What kind of help are you looking for?

How do I exist when so much of me was part of him,

Really, you're a separate person from him, and you can thrive without him.

a hug, if you'd like one: (((noclue89)))

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 17113 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 5

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