My membership was just recently upgraded to a premium membership, which means I now have access to a lot of my older posts. So it's kind of like a time machine to my past, and a safe one, because I can't change the past and end up with a different future, kwim?
I've already spent more than several hours re-reading threads from when I joined SI as inconnu back in 2009. That was right after my 3rd d-day, btw. I had found the secret cell phone which confirmed ex was still cheating.
I got to see the posts I made when ex walked out on me and the kids, the ones I posted when I filed for divorce, and of course the ones from the 2009 Christmas from hell. I've only made it through the beginning of 2010, and except for the very beginning of my posts, I've been randomly reading threads.
I expected it to be triggery, and sad, but it wasn't.
Instead, what I could really see is how far I've come since then. And omg, the love and support I've received from both past and present SIers...there aren't words to adequately describe it. But god, my heart and soul are so filled with positive energy right now. It's just amazing.
SI is amazing. Thank you, all.