"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Chrysalis123 posted 12/13/2013 20:55 PM

My senior in high school was to care for the pets while I was gone for 4 nights.

I came home to find the dog had lost a lot of weight, a pet bird had died because of neglect, and other chores were not done.

NPDx had invited her to a concert tonight. she was grounded due to the above. She has been living with me full time for years,. He has NEVER taken her and her sister anywhere for 5 years, and since GF is out of town he decided to take them to a free concert.

I told him, "She killed a parakeet with neglect." She has consequences. Of course he painted me to be the monster.

He came to my home and took her away against my wishes before i got home. I found my car I let her drive.

In the meantime I was texting her, and explained she had consequences and that dad could take her to another free concert another time. If she chose to defy me there would be consequences such as loss of driving my car and loss of a trip to a far away dance experience.

She chose to defy me.

I just contacted her coach. NPD-x just texted me, "You will come across as a crazy woman."

Who the fuck cares what he says. I cannot live with this level of defiance from a sixteen year old.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 8:55 PM, December 13th (Friday)]

jrc1963 posted 12/13/2013 20:58 PM

Ugh... I'm sorry.

gonnabe2016 posted 12/13/2013 21:14 PM

Now the younger one too???!!!???

jo2love posted 12/13/2013 21:19 PM

(((Chrysalis123, dog, and parakeet)))

Chrysalis123 posted 12/13/2013 21:22 PM

I know, right?? He is determined to rip the kids away from me. So be it. I can't fight this.

In my world you do what you say, you take care of defenseless animals, you say sorry.

Not in his world. He must have had other people involved in his free concert. 16 year old said, "But mom, he never takes me anywhere!!" "Mom, why are you being like this?"

gonnabe2016 posted 12/14/2013 00:40 AM

"Mom, why are you being like this?"

OMG, Chrys. Does she not even CARE that the bird died *on her watch?*

You are most definitely parenting with a *lower muppet*.

Stick to your boundaries. If she is not responsible enough to care for the animals while you are gone....then she is most definitely not allowed to have the 'privileges' that you give to her.

I hope that your daughter's wake up one day and realize how horribly they treat you....and I really hope that it doesn't happen *too late*.

Chrysalis123 posted 12/14/2013 04:09 AM

She is rugsweeping , blameshifting, guilt-tripping and deflecting. This is so UNLIKE her, as she is usually compassionate , loving, and forgiving.

I too hope they come around. I cannot sleep I am so upset over this. I am trying hard to find my "lesson" in all of this.

silverhopes posted 12/14/2013 05:02 AM

This whole thing sounds very painful.

I agree that she shouldn't have been able to go to the concert when she neglected her duties. Maybe she is getting mixed up and really hearing "I can't be with my dad" instead of how it really is "I can't go to this concert".

It is really sad that he hasn't been around much in all this time. She might be feeling desperate to see him when she can, to the point where she defies you. He should have respected that consequences needed to happen and found something else to do with them with your agreement, something that wouldn't reward her behavior but at the same time wouldn't deprive them of him.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, Chrysalis.

steadfast1973 posted 12/14/2013 06:09 AM

The point is, she's got the attitude that "my mom is doing this to me!" Instead of, "I did this to myself." My 10 year old is that way, and it's driving both WH and I nuts...

My XH and I are good at upholding punishments the other lays down for our DS15. He came here for the summer (moved to another state with his dad, last year), his dad said, "he's grounded from the computer for another week." And I upheld it. Your ex should have respected your punishment... He's now rewarding her for defying you... Using her to hurt you... He's a dick.

(((Chrysalis123)))

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 6:12 AM, December 14th (Saturday)]

nomistakeaboutit posted 12/14/2013 06:30 AM

It's not your fault that your Daughter was irresponsible.

You said you were searching hard for your lesson here. Here's one.

1. Don't leave your kids alone for 4 days again. They are not mature enough to handle that.

2. If you do leave them alone, call and check on them (and your animals) a couple,of times a day.

Good luck.

nekorb posted 12/14/2013 06:45 AM

(((Hugs)))

I'm sorry.

Chrysalis123 posted 12/14/2013 08:57 AM

Yeah, he is a dick.

She, encouraged by him, is confusing consequence from missing dad time. He even said that. Thing is he lives 10 minutes away and rarely does anything just with the kids. This is the second time in 5 years. I am figuring it was an opportunity for him to get ego kibbles form the event and the kids.....he's NPD .

She can go see him anytime she wants, and I encourage her to go but he is usually a dick to her too, so she chooses not to go.

She grade skipped and is going to college in the summer, and will be on her own then. I also am in contact with her including facetime multiple times per day when gone. I guess I will need to force her to go to her dad's and hire someone to care for the pets from now on, which seems like a big step backward for her. Oh well.

Thanks for the support!

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 9:00 AM, December 14th (Saturday)]