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Iamhappytoday posted 12/13/2013 22:25 PM

So, STB(Not fast enough)ExH and I have an agreement to give gifts on behalf of the kids (nothing major), for bdays and Christmas until...whenever.

I told my mother that since his *cough* GF is living with him, ain't NO WAY I'm buying anything she can use. I'm either buying him hunting gear or something that will make them both fat. Bring on the candy cane chocolate bark! (hey, that's a very awesome gift for the two suddenly fit fanatics).

I think that's fair.

AND I got a claims email from the insurance company, as apparently he pulled out in front of someone and had a bit of a fender bender this evening.

I just can't facepalm enough times or I'll knock myself out.

And if anyone is wondering, the gift thing was something I thought about for awhile since my folks were like that, and it's something we agreed on, so please no judgement on that. I never said I was gonna buy him stuff they could both use... :-)

[This message edited by Iamhappytoday at 10:26 PM, December 13th (Friday)]

devistatedmom posted 12/13/2013 22:30 PM

Take the kids to target or something and let them pick something from an area you approve of. They would be thrilled to give him something like a stuffed animal, or a shirt, or a plate. I would let them pick out something, not go whole hog with hunting equipment. It should mean something to them, that they are happy to give.

Iamhappytoday posted 12/13/2013 22:34 PM

I think that's a good idea, but they're two, so I may use your suggestion as inspiration, though, in combination with a regular gift.
Thank you!!!

ArkLaMiss posted 12/13/2013 23:03 PM

Nah, don't spend money. Have them draw him something or do a handprint for him or something like that. No WAY should it be anything even close to being costly! Do an art project with them.

ItHappened2Me2 posted 12/13/2013 23:09 PM

http://www.bing.com/search?q=handprint+ornament&form=IE10TR&src=IE10TR&pc=ASU2JS

Help them make a handprint ornament -- very little cost to you and you get the benefit of spending quality time with the kids while making them. Heck, make a couple for yourself too!

GabyBaby posted 12/13/2013 23:12 PM

Keep in mind that liars lie.
You may have agreed that you will both buy gifts for each other "from the kids", but that doesn't mean he will actually follow through (especially with GF in the picture).

I'm with the previous posters. Have the kids make him something or buy an inexpensive trinket that they can present to their father. If you need a price range, I wouldn't spend more on XWH than I would for a trip to Starbucks.

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 11:44 PM, December 13th (Friday)]

momentintime posted 12/14/2013 00:10 AM

Shoe laces, shoe polish, shaving cream, screwdriver set, you get the idea.

ruby44 posted 12/14/2013 06:31 AM

Sorta in the same dilemma, but my girls are older. STBXH told me that I needed to tell the girls what I want because he was taking them shopping! So I need to reciprocate? I had some great ideas before all this happened but now.
Plus what I want was never a concern before.
So I will take them shopping and let them pick something out, but really how long is the ow gonna tolerate him spending money on me and how long do I want this charade to carry on.
I think my dds should ask him for an allowance. If they want to save their allowance money and shop for him I can do that.

Gemini71 posted 12/14/2013 06:37 AM

STBXH is getting a calendar. Kids' birthdays are pre-marked.

PurpleBirch posted 12/14/2013 07:44 AM

STBXH is getting a calendar. Kids' birthdays are pre-marked.

Lol Gemini. Good idea!

ruby44 posted 12/14/2013 09:26 AM

would love to do that with all the court dates, mediation, anniversaries of date he met the whore, blew up our family etc!

Must Survive posted 12/14/2013 09:40 AM

I think "they" should give him a calendar. One that is personalized, each month a different picture of you and the girls together doing something fun. Several places will make those for you.

nowiknow23 posted 12/14/2013 09:48 AM

I just can't facepalm enough times or I'll knock myself out.

ruinedandbroken posted 12/14/2013 10:02 AM

I would have them make something or let them buy something little of their choosing (like less than $5) It should be the thought. I would not spend tons of money.

Iamhappytoday posted 12/14/2013 14:09 PM

I love all those gift ideas!

And to be quoted is fun, NIK!

Actually, my bday just passed and I got a pretty excellent gift, in addition to needing to play nice until mediation is final, so I'm not going to be a total bitch. I just want to ensure I give nothing (to borrow the term) his slunt can use, unless it's fattening and causes cavities.

I like the ornament idea and have some stuff to do that already, but I don't know if I feel like sharing!

I cried like a baby my birthday and on Thanksgiving because they were playing happy family together with my 2 year old twins and most of both those days I was alone until I was able to be with the kids. I know Christmas is going to be another tough day.

I am wishing all of you a very special holiday where you know you are loved, no matter how tough the circumstances, and that no one decides your worth through their shitty actions. You gave your best, a future of opportunity awaits you, so pat yourself on the back, and have a wonderful holiday. XOXO!

Bluebird26 posted 12/14/2013 21:37 PM

We made this arrangement too, I am still waiting on receiving any gifts. He always gets one from the kids though, it's for the kids not him.

PurpleRose posted 12/14/2013 21:44 PM

Oh. HeLL nah.

I think in theory this sounds so lovely.. But in practice it's going to cause problems. If my kids asked me to take them shopping for a gift for their dad, of course I would do that. But I don't see that happening.

PhoenixRising88 posted 12/14/2013 23:06 PM

I just can't facepalm enough times or I'll knock myself out.

Well....that's one way to get a good night's sleep.... LOLOLOL