Hi nevergiveup10.
I started a response to your post and then I thought I should do a little background and read over your previous posts.
Gently, you have hurt your wife to a great extent. The affair was with someone she knew and possibly even became friends with. That is even more stuff you handed her that is hard to deal with.
I read about your wife dating, AFTER she made it clear to you that you two were no longer together. People have different views on this site about things like that. My view is your wife was honest, above board and it did not constitute an affair.
Your wife is in a very bad place and trying to figure out what she wants. You blew up the marriage and want and need forgiveness and probably want her in your life again. She is in a different space. To be honest she was probably angry that you said you were jealous after only a few months of finding out about your affair. She had kept her integrity and you had not. How would you have felt in her shoes?
Here are some suggestions that I hope help.
Don't go to bars with your wife. Not yet, give that one time. Drinking can cause difficulty in R.
Realize that you blew up the marriage. You told your wife with your affair that you were not comitted. She told you she was going to date and did. She did not leave you in the dark about that. It is her decision to R with you, no matter how long that takes. Of course you can have your limit too and choose not to wait it out.
You need to work on you and you alone. You need to become a man of integrity once again. I'm sorry you are still a baby as far as R goes. Mine has been going on 5 years and it would have been shorter had I worried about myself only and not been so pigheaded.
Work on yourself. Understand that your wife no longer considers you two married. Either accept that or leave quite honestly. Your wife is being honest with you, which is a huge thing. She has told you that she is having a hard time with coming to grips with your actions.
There is an old saying to let something go and if it comes back to you, you know it is love. Sometimes love is unrequited. Your wife does not need to love you again. That will be a gift if at some time she feels that you have earned her love back.
Gosh, it really must be hard to be in your position. My wife never dated anyone and has been here the entire time. I was so far above lucky I can't imagine. Become the person that your wife married once again. If she dates, let it go and don't focus on her life. Tell her that you want to be exclusive, like married people. Tell her that you find it difficult to see her date. Let her tell you where her mind is at and what she wants. Leave it at that. If she continues to date, move on with your own life and grow. If you wan't her back, DO NOT reciprocate with dating as well.
You can't compel your wife back to the marriage. You CAN become that attractive, good man that she married. You CAN attract her back by being that person, or at least you will have regained your integrity and will be ready for the next relationship in the future.
I hope I haven't sounded like I am against you. We here all know the damage our actions have taken on our marriages. It is tough to think we might very well have destroyed our relationships with no way to come back. My best wishes for you and your wife. I hope you get what you want, but that is only going to come if you work very very hard on yourself and can weather the bumps in the long road ahead of you.