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User Topic: How do you survive the holiday triggers?
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wondered if you have any tips for surviving the inevitable holiday triggers?

We are in serious limbo. The kids have no clue, WH is waiting for the go ahead from DD17's counselors to move out, and I'm still hoping he has a change of heart and decides to R.

I'm afraid I'm going to be a basket case on Christmas Day with the kids and everything going on.

How do you just live in that moment and enjoy it for what it is? I already know I'm going to have to focus on the kids...but I feel so sad for them.

I need tips and suggestions please!,,

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman

Posts: 5600 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 12802
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

take one moment at a time.. one minute at a time.. hell, one second at a time. have a mantra like "this is for my kids" or whatever you can say to yourself to stay in the moment.

Kids on the playground can be so cruel. “Get off the swings you’re like 50, and stop talking about Soundgarden, we don't even know what that is."

Posts: 14938 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I felt this way last xmas. My coping mechanism was wine - and a lot of it. I don't recommend it. After the holidays ended, I was an emotional wreck.

Me: 1970
Two sons: 2000 and 2003
Cheating louse: What's her name again?

Married Aug/95
DDay Nov/12
Separated Mar/13
Finally divorced Jul/17

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!

Posts: 3623 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
♀ 24572
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very very hard to be ok in the same house with him in your situation, Nekorb - almost nothing worse. The pits is that every advert, every movie, every magazine cover is festooned with the fantasy of the perfect life. Just hold your head up high and realise your own amazing strength, and let the love of your kids see you through. Wishing you all the best.

Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.

Posts: 1463 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
♀ 32550
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The first Xmas after I JFO was very hard. We had moved over 1000 miles from family, so it was a first Xmas without them around. But it proved to be a blessing, we started a few new traditions to take the edge off.

The next Xmas was after a really bad period, the short version is false R due to trickle truth of epic proportions handled very badly. But again, what saved it for me was establishing a few more new traditions. We went out to a tree farm and got a live tree for the first time on Black Friday, saw Santa, came home and decorated the tree with only handmade decorations. The kids and I did several mission projects with our church, and they performed in the Xmas pageant for the first time. It literally saved the season for us.

I know your kids are older, maybe not all live at home, etc but I suggest starting a new tradition or two with the kids. Go see a holiday play or performance, go do a charity thing together, go ice skating, whatever would appeal to them. Whether WH is involved isn't really necessary, the idea is to do something new and different to celebrate the season. When it is a new thing, there isn't anything to compare it to with the family as a whole before.

My other suggestion is do something for just you. Go get a massage, or go to a craft show, or whatever is YOUR interest on your own, or with a friend if you prefer. It is time to do something for yourself to renew your spirit. This will help in been in the right frame of mind when you start your new traditions with the kids.

BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1503 | Registered: Jun 2011
Topic Posts: 5

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