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Explanations not excuses

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Marathonwaseasy posted 12/14/2013 07:37 AM

The more we talk the more I see how broken fwh is and how our M was not what it should be. I knew that but he's not the only one capable of denial
We are both in IC and MC starts soon.
I understand so much more and there's an honesty between us.
He is not making excuses just telling me what was going on in his sick mind during the A.
I don't know what I'm saying
I'm just sad and hurting so much
But I believe in us and I love him

Lionne posted 12/14/2013 08:19 AM

I do know what you mean. In our case the reasons include life long SA, bipolar disorder, FOO issues etc. None of these excuse him. They do help coalesce the ideas that it really wasn't me.

Altough because of my own issues, THAt isn't always as clear to me as it should be.

unfound posted 12/14/2013 08:53 AM

I get it. Sometimes, even when we're getting what we want ( in depth reflection, healing, honesty etc..) from our spouse, it doesn't always incite good, happy feelings. It IS sad. Remember though that this is part of the healing process. You have to sometimes feel the full effect of the healing, even when it sucks, to progress to the next part...and that's a good thing.

Hearing his explanations (and I get the whole explanations not excuses thing) can bring on sad feelings. This is a really sucky part of healing, but can lead to resolution and a healthier future for him and the M. Doesn't help much now, I know .

steadfast1973 posted 12/14/2013 09:16 AM

My h has even said, that it all feels like "excuses" to him. I told him, that none of it will excuse him from responsibility. But it will help him to recognize his bad behavior, and be more responsible in the future.

Scubachick posted 12/14/2013 11:52 AM

I can't tell the difference though. How do you know what is an honest explanation vs a bs excuse? I know neither will probably sound rational. Maybe I just don't know the difference because I don't trust anything he says.

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