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I miss intimacy

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nekorb posted 12/14/2013 07:43 AM

Before DDay, my WH gave me the ILYBINILWY speech and said he didn't want to have sex with me anymore. Period. Just like that. (In hindsight this was because he was taking his EA to PA)

It's been six months since we've had sex. Not that I would right now because he would need STD testing and all that....but I miss it. I miss the feel of us together and I miss the emotional connection.


Anyone else have this happen to them? How did you deal with your feelings about it?

steadfast1973 posted 12/14/2013 07:55 AM

Why has he not been tested?

And yes, I did crave intimacy. And i went for it. And, part of me kicks myself, because i did contract both Herpes and gonorrea... but... Also... I knew I wanted R, so at some point, i'd have gotten the HSV2, even with condom use and repressive therapy. I mean sure if R doesn't work, my choices are limited for any real future relationships... But I really think I am over that. This man is the LAST man I will ever be vulnerable to... So my options for a lasting future relationship are already limited... He's my third strike, so to speak.

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 8:01 AM, December 14th (Saturday)]

vistainc posted 12/14/2013 08:00 AM


I can relate to what you are saying. I am over a year out from DDay and our "intimate times" are pretty non-existent now. It was ok but lacking for the first 9 months after but now it is just not there.

My fWH is still wanting to, but I no longer feel special. I am unable to feel the connection that I need to feel in order to give myself to him completely. I guess I just don't see the point any more.

I have an appt with a new IC on Thursday so maybe she can help me work through this, but it is an awful way to live. I literally wish I could find even some of the feelings and/or the excitement he and his AP had just to be able to experience the butterflies again.

He never gave me the ILYBINILWY speech, but mine was the older people don't have sex as often, we just had sex last weeketc etc speeches. Makes it hard to think that he really DOES want to be with me now.

I wish you much luck on your journey, just know that you are not alone here.

nomistakeaboutit posted 12/14/2013 08:02 AM

I, too, miss intimacy. But, I'm thankful I'm no longer intimate with someone who could hurt me so bad.

nekorb posted 12/14/2013 08:06 AM

Steadfast - he got tested once, but the A was underground and he was faking R. :( His A is currently ongoing.

steadfast1973 posted 12/14/2013 08:17 AM

Oh. That stinks. I am sorry.


Harriet posted 12/14/2013 09:42 AM

Right after my ex told me he was going to divore me we went on a long planned and promised trip to Hawaii with the kids. In the hotel, he asked me if I wanted to have sex. I said, "Have your feelings for me changed?" Nope. I decided I really didn't want to get screwed any more than he was already screwing me over.

I missed it for a while. I'm okay with it now. My concern is that I will turn 50 soon and I'm not sure how long I can keep looking good naked!

katmandude54 posted 12/14/2013 10:10 AM

Harriet, unless you are targeting Clooney or another "STAR" the guys over 50 are worried JUST as much about how they look naked. Don't sweat it. Visuals are important, but so is the mind, and it's our biggest erogenous zone.

IrishLass518 posted 12/14/2013 11:15 AM

I miss it too. I miss the sound of someone sleeping next to me, I miss the every day routine of a long relationship and marriage, people forget that there is extraordinary beauty in the ordinary. I miss touching skin, the warmth, the familiarity, I miss feeling and believing that I was so lucky to be the one who got to see him and touch him in ways and places that no one else could. I miss how special and honored that made me feel.

I do like being alone and how confident I have become, still there is so much I miss.

steadfast1973 posted 12/14/2013 11:24 AM

I wish I had found SI during my D. I let my ex come over for "sleep overs" for months. It was horrible. Kept getting my hopes up...

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