After popping in and out of the S/D board a few times and never pulling the trigger - I kicked WH out on Thursday. I am not filing yet, I have no reason to think he will pull his out from his arse but for now - its just a separation. The first two days were actually amazing. The house was calmer, I was a totally different person. I didn't miss him, not anymore than I have for years anyways. I miss the guy I married - not this jerk who has replaced him.
Then. The anger hit. I don't even know what started it. It's just so stupid. So avoidable. Our marriage itself wasn't bad, it was actually really good and then he gets pressure from his job and starts to pull away from me and the family and then has an affair. AVOIDABLE. For 15 months I have worked my butt off to fix me (I changed a lot the last year of his affair sadly) and worked on fixing US. He has been a self centered, egotistical, manipulating JERK. AVOIDABLE. The affair wasn't a deal breaker. I WANTED to forgive him and move on. I wanted to just get to us. But nope - that scary man in the mirror couldn't be faced.
Then my youngest goes to see him. First time since he left. I pick her up, she is very upset. She tells me she just wants him to come home. He texts me to tell me what she said - "why can't you just come Home?" his answer? "I just can't." she then tells it like it is (not in a mean way in a this is so simple a 10 YO knows the answer) "it's been HOURS, haven't you just done what you need?" GRRRRRRRRR!!! "I JUST CAN'T?!?!" Way to own it asshat!!!
So he's off in MY studio with NO responsibilities at all while I fix my daughters broken heart, shovel our driveway, take HIS dog outside (the one who is a basket case and I have asked him 800 times to find a rescue for) and I take our son to his first wrestling meet in a wicked snow storm? UGHHHHHH!!!! THIS IS SOOOOO STUPID!
I need a punching bag right now as THIS level of anger isn't one that works well for me. I have fought too hard to be a woman of integrity after the nightmare that was the first 6 months after Dday. A Dr. Who marathon with my broken hearted daughter may cheer us both up - if not we bake cookies and eat more dough than goes in the stove.
Edited because I shouldn't type when angry - I can't spell when happy even
[This message edited by sodamnlost at 2:45 PM, December 14th (Saturday)]