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Newest Member: Dilbert (46033)

User Topic: xwh drops DD off early...to go play Santa at his work party
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fairly last minute...XWH asks if he could take DD this Saturday, I said "sure, but can you have her home by 4pm?" (I was taking her to a Christmas Festival with some friends, which started at 5) He says ok, and nothing more.

Sat morn he picks her up at 9am and says he will drop her back off at 2pm. Ok. I'm used to him dropping her off early, or backing out all together.

Later in the evening, a friend of mine, a fellow BS whose WH works with my XWH (they R, but I'm pretty sure he'll cheat again, she thinks so too, but that's another story) posts pictures of herself, her husband, and their son with Santa.

And by Santa, I mean my XWH dressed as Santa.

Now, I could only tell by the eyes, but those beady eyes with no soul behind them gave it away. But surely, I am seeing things, because SURELY the man would not drop DD off early so he could go play Santa at their work CHRISTMAS PARTY.

It's true. I confirmed it with fellow BS.

Maybe he got more ego kibbles playing Santa, and chose the path with the more rewards for his ego? I don't know.

[This message edited by sparkysable at 8:31 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3564 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe he got more ego kibbles playing Santa, and chose the path with the more rewards for his ego? I don't know.

^^THIS. Private sparkle moments are lost on them - it is the false high of the 'party' that floats their boat. Sad for them, I say.

I've also got to say I'd be creeped out that my friend posed in pictures with him. If a friends husband cheated on her I would have as little as possible to do with him, work or no work. Santa or no santa.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5734 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't see what the issue is here.

You told him to have her home by 4pm and he said ok. He never told you that he planned to keep her until 4. Seems that he knew what time he was going to bring her home and and didn't feel the need to tell you because it fit within the parameters that you asked for.


eta: I understand why you would be disappointed in him that he didn't keep her for all of the time that you offered -- I just don't see where he really *did* anything wrong.....

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 2:41 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8252 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've also got to say I'd be creeped out that my friend posed in pictures with him. If a friends husband cheated on her I would have as little as possible to do with him, work or no work. Santa or no santa.
I'm thinking the same thing..... She was there for me on D-day, she told both XWH and OW what she thought of them, THEN...her H cheats on her, so at that point she REALLY gets my pain.

Yet she poses with "Santa".


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3564 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just don't see where he really *did* anything wrong.....
I guess it's not wrong, but I just would think that if his work was having a kids party, with Santa, whether he was going to be Santa or not, that he would want to take her to it. He could have kept her longer, I just wanted her home at 4pm to take her to a Christmas Festival with some friends. Had I known that there was a Christmas party that he never mentioned, I could have gone to the festival some other day, and he could have taken her.

I guess I'm just shocked that he didn't take her and dropped her off to go play Santa.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3564 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
suckstobeme
♀ 30853
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No matter how many times they do it, we always will find it totally unbelievable that they really don't see the kids as their first priority.

You find this appalling because you have a little girl who, like all little kids, loves Christmas and goes batty over Santa and all the magic associated with him. You're NORMAL.

He is not. He didn't think to ask to take her or keep her longer because he's simply abnormal. He put his ego first and his little girl about a million feet behind it.

I hope you had fun with friends at the festival. Your asshole exWH will be shocked on day when he figures out that his own kid has no good holiday memories with him.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2909 | Registered: Jan 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, Spark. It's bizarre that he would choose not to take his child to his work's children's party. Why exclude your own child like that?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10147 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Private sparkle moments are lost on them

^^This.
Their brains don't function like ours (thank the universe!). He probably felt like he was getting kibbles for doing something with her for a few hours AND playing santa at the party. My guess, there's no cross-over in his mind...it probably never occurred to him to work something out with you to have her longer in order to do a work and a dad thing *simultaneously.*

Or...if she believes in Santa...maybe he didn't know how to pull off bringing her to a work party where he was playing Santa, KWIM?


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4825 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Thefly559
♂ 40268
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course he did something wrong he played Santa for others after he dropped off his own kid !! How is that not wrong?


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 737 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Tearsoflove
♀ 8271
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe he didn't take her because he knew she'd recognize him and that would have ruined it for her and all the other children. The younger ones aren't usually fooled when a relative dresses up. My father dressed up one year and my 3 1/2 year old niece knew it was him immediately even though he's thin and was covered in padding. Just a thought...not that he deserves the benefit of the doubt.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4306 | Registered: Sep 2005
renee21
♀ 27088
Member # 27088
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate.....my stbxh fucktard...found time to string up Christmas lights at the whore's parents house but he was too busy to decorate the Christmas tree with our 9 year old son.

They only care about themselves.


BW(me) 36
WH-36 SA
Three kids 18, 16 and 9
Married 18 years.
Multiple D-Days, multiple OW and an OC
12/19/03,5/13/2004,12/5/2009, 2/20/2014
I am no longer a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.

Posts: 1327 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Florida
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Or...if she believes in Santa...maybe he didn't know how to pull off bringing her to a work party where he was playing Santa, KWIM?

and

Maybe he didn't take her because he knew she'd recognize him and that would have ruined it for her and all the other children.

Ok, I hadn't thought of this. This could be why he so readily agreed when I asked if he could have her home by 4.

I guess I just looked at him not once mentioning "there's a kids work party at 3pm, can I take her to that and bring her home later?" It's possible I have a hair-trigger with him, but I was thinking more along these lines:

Of course he did something wrong he played Santa for others after he dropped off his own kid !! How is that not wrong?


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3564 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Soooooo I found out more about this work Christmas party....

Apparently, once Santa was over, and those folks with kids went home, that's when the alcohol started to flow pretty heavy. That explains why XWH wasn't really in a big hurry to bring DD, because I imagine supervising a 4 year old cuts into your drinking time.

At least he had the decency to NOT bring her when he was going to be partying at the after-family-party.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3564 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 13

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