BS - Me
1. The AP's behavior at work is unacceptable. You need to report him to HR. Yes, you may have to out the affair, but he's being abusive.
2. There is no reason you can't progress in other areas both for him, you and together. You're giving your AP too much power. Why should he stop you working on becoming healthy and a better partner? When you have a new job it doesn't mean you will suddenly find the tools. You have to learn them now and constantly implement them.
3. How active is your job search? Couple resumes sent a week? I suggest an all out full steam search.
My WH lost his job twice. Once due to his affairs once not. First time he dragged it out and was unemployed for 4 months. He wasn't motivated. 1-2 resumes a day. If he got an interview he stopped looking. Then when he Didnt get the job, be all depressed for a few days, rinse, lather, repeat.
Second time I told him I would not accept a repeat of the previous. He had to be active and I'd be on his ass. He lost his job on a Wednesday. He flooded the market. He posted everywhere, applied everywhere. He even considered a career change and applied to different fields. He applied in person. He went from 1-2 apps a day to 20+. He had two interviews set up by Monday and a job offer by Wednesday.
Flood the market. Consider a career change. Use a head hunter. Revamp your resume. Put massive effort in this.
Neither of you can fully heal while you work with him. You can start however. But for your Bas, stop working with this man, and report him.
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking