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Meeting the IC

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SusanR posted 12/16/2013 14:04 PM

Per my WH's request, I am meeting with his SA counselor in about an hour. I don't know why, but I'm feeling nervous about it. I guess I should have asked why I am going. I just don't know if they have an agenda or are gonna gang up on me.

I look and feel awful today. I'm sick. Probably from being stressed-out. It may help me to talk and blow off some steam. Hope it works out that way .

7yrsflushed posted 12/16/2013 14:09 PM

Just remember you can always get up and leave. Hope everything goes well.

Gemini71 posted 12/16/2013 15:03 PM

I can think of two reasons to meet with his SA counselor.

1. They want to explain SA to you so you'll forgive the sick disabled person who couldn't control his impulses blah blah blah.
As they say in S-Anon, whether or not you stay is up to you. You have no control over someone else's sexual sobriety.

2. Full disclosure. While taking responsibility for his actions is an important step of recovery, it shouldn't be at the cost of your peace of mind.
Most spouses of SAs reach a point where we know we'll never 'know it all', but we feel that we 'know enough.'

No matter what the reason, if anything makes you uncomfortable, leave. You are doing him a favor by being there. Good luck.

debbysbaby posted 12/16/2013 18:58 PM

Susan, how'd it go today? Had you on my mind.

SusanR posted 12/17/2013 05:58 AM

I went and stayed the whole hour. Their agenda was pretty obvious. They fear that the legal separation is a "blueprint" for divorce and wanted me to drop it.

I stood my ground and explained that although I believe he is remorseful and doesn't intend to hurt me again, he was that way the first two times. I don't think he can help himself.

He thinks 4 months of counseling and group should be enough for me to call off the separation. I told them that I don't see any major change in his thinking, I don't trust him and I don't know if I ever will.

Thay wanted me to say what he needed to do to earn my trust and I told them I had no idea. If I knew, I would say.

WH asked me to "throw him a bone" and I told him I was doing that by being there. I'm not going to open his mouth and place the bone between his teeth.

I think WH is going to seek legal representation. He says he doesn't see how the legal separation is any different than divorce. That is because he sees marriage as a business proposition.

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