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tushnurse posted 12/16/2013 18:30 PM

My folks spend about 50% of their time in Fl now, and when they are here, seem to be bothered to attend any of my kids events, and even more bothered to help me out once in a great while, like twice a year.

Now mind you the good daughter, my sister, had them help her almost on a daily basis when her kids were small, and she sees the need to contact my mother on a daily basis to get her approval on all aspects of her life, where I don't. My folks believe the Cell phone is only for recieving calls, they cannot, or will NOT call me. Even though I work full time have a small business that I run out of my home, and have 2 teens.

So I realize yesterday that my kids have an orthodontist appt today, and I can't take them due to having patients on my schedule, and my H can't due to being in KC (on the other side of the state) today. So I call and ask, and make it as simple as possible. Of course the kids were not at the pick up spot at the immediate moment the Queen arrived and she calls me, now mind you I'm with a patient, and said patient is actively crying, and I don't answer my phone. Then my kid calls, twice, then my mom calls. The my dad calls my H. FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!!!!! I am working people, I dont' know where they are they were given instructions as to where to be and when, they are 14 and 16, maybe they won't be exactly on time.

Now she's being a passive aggressive bitch, I called her cell twice to apologize and THANK her profusely, and she wouldn't answer, so I called the house phone, and asked my dad to please have her call me. She has been home for 2 hours, and no call yet. FUCKING FUCK You self centered road whore. WHY ARE YOU PISSed AT ME?!?!?!?!?

I give up. I will never be the perfect daughter and it's just not worth the work. Where's the wine?!?!??! Of course this all while working sick, with deadlines to meet, and a 10 hour day. Fill the tub. Grab the Wine. Fuck it!!!

nowiknow23 posted 12/16/2013 20:04 PM

((((tushnurse)))

gonnabe2016 posted 12/16/2013 20:11 PM

**snort**you called your mom a road whore**snort**

Call her cell, leave a message "thank you so much for helping me today. Sorry it didn't go as smoothly as planned -- kids, jeez. talk to ya later."

And then blissfully drink your wine without a care in the world......

caregiver9000 posted 12/16/2013 20:24 PM

You had a MONDAY!!!

I hope you get a smooth, boring Tuesday tomorrow.

(((hugs)))

jo2love posted 12/16/2013 20:41 PM

(((tushnurse)))

tushnurse posted 12/16/2013 21:29 PM

For all of you out there tht may feel I'm being. Bit too harsh please remember these factoids.
1. Both my parents are only children who have never wanted or needed anything they didn't get.
2. My sister is in constant need of their approval an love and adoration. She is the golden child. I'm the second, the not so smart one who was told by counselors and parents that perhaps college wasnt for me.
3. I stood up to my parents every time they have attempted to manipulate and bully me as they did when I was a kid and I think on some level resent my ability to be happy. Very happy in my not so perfect life.

So. Yah I'm pissed she threw a tantrum just like a spoiled little kid and I'm done and over it and it's a good thing H ws out of town for this little show otherwise it would have been far far uglier.

Silly parents. I'm gonna pick your home. You know the one you spend your last years in be ause you have dementia and dope smoking and alcohol abuse isn't kind to your mind. Yah. That one. Lol!

StrongerOne posted 12/17/2013 09:05 AM

Why are you apologizing to your mom and dad? Your kids are the ones who should be doing that. They are the ones who needed the favor, they are the ones who knew when and where to be, and weren't.

I'd kick some teen ass, tushnurse. Time for them to write your parents a GOOD apology and to also call them with a GOOD apology. I'd send them over to your parents' house to do make-up chores, too.

Shock and awe, baby. I'll bet they are on time every time after an afternoon scrubbing out grandma's toilets and listening to grandma bitch at them.

tushnurse posted 12/17/2013 11:47 AM

Oh believe me the kids did their pennance already. That's the thing with Grandma it's never good enough. EVER.

Even having her take them to an appointment they would be expected to thank Gma at least 5 times, and yes she counts. Then when she gets her nickers in a twist you better bet there was profuse apologies all around. As far as the kids doing chores for them, that would not be accepted or allowed by my parents.

The whole thing is just insane, and gets blown way out of proportion to my mom. I'm better off just not asking for her help, and I freaking knew better when I asked her. Just dumb on my part. OH Well.

Pentup posted 12/17/2013 13:07 PM

I think asking a friend to help in the future might be far less stressful.

tushnurse posted 12/17/2013 14:09 PM

OR just rescheduling the appointment.
Ugh. lol

Lionne posted 12/17/2013 17:52 PM

As one survivor of a PA mother to another I'm reaching out to give you a cyper hug.((((TN)))))

I have to believe that this is one of those life circumstances for which the phrase, "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger," was written about.

Sucks, doesn't it? We all deserved better parents.

Gottagetthrough posted 12/17/2013 22:33 PM

Silly parents. I'm gonna pick your home

I tell my WH that we need to be nice to the kids because they will pick our home!! LOL!

But good for you having a sense of humor about it, and totally get in the tub, get a glass of wine, and take a moment for you.

you cant change their behavior, but you can change yours. you can be mad and yell at them, or you can ignore and grab a glass and a soak! Looks like you were thinking about the latter!

And wanted to add-- I totally get it. you are not being too harsh. this is just a snippet of a lifetime of stuff. I come here to vent about my in laws in much the same way. (((HUGS)))

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 10:34 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)]

persevere posted 12/17/2013 23:52 PM

As someone who deals with similar parent craziness, I'm so sorry. It's absolutely fucking exhausting - and quite frankly, almost always, a no win situation. Which I now accept - and that acceptance has helped me tremendously. I know it will never be enough or correct, so I just go with what I know. "Mom, I told you she would be done around 4:00 pm, I'm sorry it was 4:10, but it was. I appreciate your assistance." (Big fake smile inserted here) - And then, frankly, I no longer worry about it ever again. That took some practice, but it works well.

tushnurse posted 12/18/2013 08:40 AM

Thanks for the feedback guys.
I usually let it all slide, but I guess my momma bear came out when she basically attacked my kids, and bitched to them about how we as parents don't answer our phones, (while working in a situation where I shouldn't even have a personal cell phone), or have not taught them the importance of being on time. Which I have OCD over.
Then she had the balls to not call me back so I got riled up instead of letting it slide.

Good news is I did soak in the tub, I did have a BIG glass of wine, and its done and over. I try to engage in their craziness too much, and like I said should have known better than to ask for help. The funny thing is my MIL would do anything for me, anytime, and would go out of her way to help me, and would be more than happy doing it.

Last night at my daughters concert, I had one on one side, and one on the other, and I could feel the jealousy in my mom when my MIL and I were talking. Just sad. She looses out, and doesn't realize her anger, and bitterness, and judgemental attitude to the world affects her on so many levels.

Oh well all I can do is be me, and the rest is on her.