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Is he declaring war?

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Tiger posted 12/17/2013 10:58 AM

It is 2 years after d day. He now left the house, blamed it on my parents, who are visiting, acts like he is a victim and honestly I think he has gone mad. He is telling his friends his version of the story because he needs to be told he is the victim and that's what they are doing. He told my mom to leave the house eventhough she never got involved in anything. And of course she is now very angry at me because I have not done anything radical. I am just bracing for the worse but I feel a calm that I never felt before. This situation does not surprise me, I guess the shock of 2 years ago prepared me for this. Financially I am better off than he is but I will barely make ends meet. Our kids, 5 &3 are my only concern.

My parents will save him money as they will take care of the kids the next 2 weeks and he won't have to pay day care, but when I asked him to pay the airfare difference so my parents can go back home considering the situation, he refuses and says it is not his problem. Nevertheless he is in my health insurance and needs it for eye surgery. That is not my problem either, right? I don't want to start a war and my kids well being is my concern. Any advice? Did I mention he has passive aggressive issues?

careerlady posted 12/17/2013 11:24 AM

Sorry you are going through this. I went through something similar. My mom came to live with us for a few months to help with childcare after a crisis with the nanny and the Snake treated her like dirt and then blamed her for his latest bout of cheating. I felt caught in the middle cause it was right when we were trying to R.

Your WS is probably cheating again and trying to blame shift. I would consider this a declaration of war. Start getting your financial papers in order and your important documents on a safe place. Take your half of any joint accounts out. Unfortunately you can't take him off your insurance until the D is final or at least the next open enrollment period. Brave yourself for the kids' questions and reactions. Look into an attorney.

You will get through this!

momentintime posted 12/17/2013 12:31 PM

If you can get a live in au pair for the kids.

sparkysable posted 12/17/2013 13:14 PM

Is he creating a tantrum so he can storm out of the house into the arms of an OW?

jemimapd posted 12/17/2013 13:57 PM

acts like he is a victim and honestly I think he has gone mad.

This is a perfect description of my ex two weeks after the divorce. He is completely irrational, nice one minute, nasty the other, blaming everyone else (especially me, it is apparently all my fault) and becoming quite paranoid.

I would not read too much into it! He is feeling the consequences, losing control, running out of choices. If he is like my ex then he is lashing out with no particular purpose. It is a tantrum. Life was good before, wifey at home and fun on the side, but all that's over now. Boo Hoo.

My advice is to pick your battles. Decide what matters most and work towards agreement on that. I let the rest of it go and ignore, ignore,ignore.

StillLivin posted 12/17/2013 14:44 PM

Yes, it's all in the cheater's handbook. My STBXH was no different.
jemimpad nailed it, pick your battles wisely. What you can agree on do so. If he plays asswhole, then cancel him on the insurance when D is final and let him know you had to cancel because you needed the difference for your parents airfare.
Or have him ante up half the day care fees, they should equal what your parents airfare is!!!

Tiger posted 12/17/2013 15:16 PM

Thanks for your words. As long as my kids are fine I am fine. I am ignoring Mr.Crazy making. His poor decisions will self destruct him anyway. I am at peace with myself and know I will make it through but it will be a rough ride.

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