She has recently asked if she can take the kids on vacation in the first week of May, which would require them missing a week of school. Normally, I would be against that just for the missing school thing, but May is even worse because of the school schedule. My daughter has her state standardized test that week (very important for placement) and my son has a final exam (for college credit). Also, my daughter was given extra time to take the test do to a learning disability. I understand that they can do retakes of the tests, but they will have other finals that they will have to worry about, as the last day of school is May 23.
My stomach feels as if I am going through the divorce again. I feel bad that I am turning down the request, as my kids would have had a great time. I am sure that my ex will demonize me to them because this is something that she badly wanted. Also, the vacation can not be at another time because it is for an uncle's birthday and her parents are paying for the trip. Can anyone give me advice? I have the e-mail written out and ready to send.
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I'd have to vote no or suggest a time later in May after school is out.
DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
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WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs
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I dont have any advice just wanted to point out my opinion of what she is pulling.....
Also, the vacation can not be at another time because it is for an uncle's birthday and her parents are paying for the trip.
It can be moved if having the kids there is really important. I'm assuming this uncle is an adult and can celebrate his birthday 3 weeks later? You aren't responsible if they have already purchased tickets and informed the kids before thinking it through and clearing it with you and the school.
Just tell her no.
This is like my ex and his last va-cay to Hawaii with his partner. Ex didn't tell the kids, they overheard me talking about it. Ex yelled at me. He doesn't see the point that hiding something from the kids is the problem, not them finding out. Their thinking is just off.
Also, missing a final exam for a vacation is NOT a good excuse, and could cause your college bound kid to lose the credit.
Call the school and confirm this. Then I'd tell her that although you have no problem with the kids going on a trip with her, they simply can't that week, as kid1 will miss the standardized testing, and kid 2 would lose a credit required for graduation.
It takes the decision off of you, and you do state that you would be happy for the kids to take the trip, just not when they are missing important things at school. If she would like to delay the trip until June, you are fine with them going.
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EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
I had a big problem with 8 days out of school, as did the school. My kids are younger, but that's almost 2 full weeks and DS has a learning disability with which he struggles quite a bit.
Dumbass didn't see it from their point of view at all. He just said that he remembers his parents taking him out of school for long vacations when he was a kid - FORTY YEARS AGO!
In the end, I compromised. I allowed them to miss 4 days of school but the Mother's Day idea was never going to happen. After what was probably a lot of fighting with him and the slunt, he made it work - he brought them home on time and took another flight back down to the condo that same day so that the slunt would not miss HER special mother's day vacation with him and her kids.
It was a shit show for a little while and resulted in a pretty nasty fight. To cover my ass for future dumb ideas, I told him that I would allow it this time, but that as they got older, multiple days out of school will count against them and, particularly for DS, will have much more of an impact. The Vice Principal backed me up on this too so it's a good idea to call the school first for support.
I'm sorry she did this. A long vacation in May is a thoughtless thing because it's just shy of the kids getting out of school. There are tests, field trips, dances, etc., etc. all scheduled for that time of year. You can't do it when they are on summer vacation?? Plus, it puts you in a bad position and will definitely cause friction. But, stick to your guns and do what you believe is right. If she really wants them there, she will make it work so they don't get hurt in the process.
I had to pull my kids out for 4 days last year because my father passed and my sisters and I needed to come together to get everything resolved in another state. My kids missed 4 days because my XH would not "import a family member or pay someone" to help watch the kids while he was at work to accommodate me in this type of situation...
My point...my kids fell behind and it really put a level of stress on them and myself trying to get them caught up. We collected a great deal of work from each class prior, and they still were overloaded! Even now, they stress if they miss a day or 2 because of illness!
I will never do that to my kids again, if I can help it.
Do as others suggested and talk with the school first. Vacations here, are not an excused absence...which means no make up work.
~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown
And as others have said, generally standardized tests cannot be made up so your DD is out of luck too.
Just tell your ex no because if will adversely affect their grades and do not feel guilty about it. Most families plan get togethers during summer break and long holidays BECAUSE they want the kids to attend and do not want them to miss school. If your ex's family does not understand that, well that says a lot of your ex and the family she grew up in.
And remember: You don't have to convince anyone you are right,,, as long as you know in your own mind you are "right", that is all that is needed".
me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
So, Don't pet the drama lama,,, just laugh and say, "good try"...
The answer is no.