Me - BS original Dday 10-2012, separated June 2014, divorce 12-19-16
To say that I am raw is an understatement. Yesterday was a mini floodgates kind of day with WH admitting all kinds of icky things during and after his affair. Nothing dramatic but this isn't something I am remotely used to seeing in him - not this level of admission anyways. I honestly started to get scared he may actually do this and I will have to face my fears. That's another post but the background of why I am questioning my feelings here.
WH works for a small company,very close knit, VERY good to their employees. Families comes first and the company has programs to help with personal things - counseling and even financial. WH told them when I filed (he asked for counseling) but didn't tell them why. This bothered me as its a small town, some go to our church and all they knew was *I* filed for divorce. WH knew this bothered me and that I felt like he didn't care about my reputation. At men's group, they are preparing to do a study on sexual sin and he ended up talking about us being Seperated. Not related to the new study coming up but in some other conversation. The content was basically he had expected to have a bad weekend because of getting kicked out but that didn't happen like he thought. He never told them WHY I kicked him out. I told him, again, this hurts. Now so many people know we have deep issues by him telling them but not saying WHY.
For the record we do NOT have a do-not-tell policy, our kids even know. Not sure if that matters.
WH asked work for a loan today. It's something they offer. He explained new bills with us being Seperated and all. His boss gave him a bonus - not a loan. Mind you I know his affair wouldn't cloud their decision, they'd wouldn't care. It just feels like he betrayed them. And me. I told him my opinion and he's talking to his boss now but I need to know if I am wrong here. Am I taking this too personal? Am I projecting MY issues onto his work?
I am an ACOA so I have no concept of normal but this just feels so wrong to me. I can handle being told I am overreacting - I really can.
Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an