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Am I over reacting here?

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sodamnlost posted 12/17/2013 14:00 PM

To say that I am raw is an understatement. Yesterday was a mini floodgates kind of day with WH admitting all kinds of icky things during and after his affair. Nothing dramatic but this isn't something I am remotely used to seeing in him - not this level of admission anyways. I honestly started to get scared he may actually do this and I will have to face my fears. That's another post but the background of why I am questioning my feelings here.

WH works for a small company,very close knit, VERY good to their employees. Families comes first and the company has programs to help with personal things - counseling and even financial. WH told them when I filed (he asked for counseling) but didn't tell them why. This bothered me as its a small town, some go to our church and all they knew was *I* filed for divorce. WH knew this bothered me and that I felt like he didn't care about my reputation. At men's group, they are preparing to do a study on sexual sin and he ended up talking about us being Seperated. Not related to the new study coming up but in some other conversation. The content was basically he had expected to have a bad weekend because of getting kicked out but that didn't happen like he thought. He never told them WHY I kicked him out. I told him, again, this hurts. Now so many people know we have deep issues by him telling them but not saying WHY.

For the record we do NOT have a do-not-tell policy, our kids even know. Not sure if that matters.

WH asked work for a loan today. It's something they offer. He explained new bills with us being Seperated and all. His boss gave him a bonus - not a loan. Mind you I know his affair wouldn't cloud their decision, they'd wouldn't care. It just feels like he betrayed them. And me. I told him my opinion and he's talking to his boss now but I need to know if I am wrong here. Am I taking this too personal? Am I projecting MY issues onto his work?

I am an ACOA so I have no concept of normal but this just feels so wrong to me. I can handle being told I am overreacting - I really can.

cl131716 posted 12/17/2013 14:27 PM

No, I don't believe so. He is in a way making YOU out to be the bad guy. Like you said, it could hurt your reputation. He doesn't have to come out and say "I had an affair" but he shouldn't place any amount of blame on you for leaving or wanting a separation.

When WS and I separated he did the same thing. He was quick to tell anyone who would listen that I left him but never explained why. Oh, he did say "I made a mistake" to a few people. He left out what the mistake was and the countless unjustifiable accusations against me, however. I also found out after I came back to R that he had hinted to a couple of people that I left because I probably had someone else on the side. Nice, huh?

StillLivin posted 12/17/2013 14:36 PM

No you aren't overreacting.
It is just as easy to say to others that "we are going through a separation, I will be moving out, hopefully only for a short time until we can work some things out."
He is lieing by ommission and it is hurtful.

sodamnlost posted 12/18/2013 15:39 PM

He ended up going back to his boss to tell the whole story. Yay for me I have bigger fish to fry - a BOATLOAD of big, nasty lies came out today. Yay me - NOT!

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