Sorry you're feeling this way. I completely relate. I thought my ex was my person and my match. It's been a long cold road away from that and no end in sight. It's a huge loss.
Just from reading your signature line, it looks like you're not that far away from trying to make it work with your ex wife. I'm not so far out myself.
We've got lots of years left and there will be others, but we need to protect and heal ourselves first. I know I need to work on this. In that way, I'm grateful I'm not seeing matches all over the place (the way my ex apparently is - he's slowly working his way through every female in his social circle). Ooops! Sorry, bitterness sneaks out, see? This is not the time for me to meet my new person. This is a great time for us to get to know ourselves again.
I spent a lot of time working on myself - some time feeling sorry for myself - and had some very interesting first dates. I jumped into a relationship before I was fully healed and it turned out to be a disaster.
Three years ago, at the age of 49, I found the most wonderful man, friend, partner, lover that I could ever imagine. He wasn't my "type" and I put him the in the friend zone, but now we are living together and I couldn't be happier.
It is possible to not only find love again, but to find a better love than you ever thought possible. It is just not something you can rush.
Sending strength and peace.
It's just not time for him to enter my life yet. Until that time comes, I'll continue to live my current Rockstar Life.
Ok, maybe not a Rockstar Life, but a pretty good one!
If this helps, I have a friend who had a horrible ex- he cheated constantly, he was verbally abusive, just an all around bad guy. She had 2 youngs kids and filed for divorce 5 years ago. She did jump into dating too soon, learned that wasn't the right choice, started taking time for herself and her girls. Now 5 years after her D she has met a great man and is happier than I have ever seen her. Everytime I get down and worry there won't be anyone out there for me, I think about her and it gives me hope.
So i just gave up. Decided to be single and happy and give up ever finding someone else.
And i met my current boyfriend less than a week later. (5 months so far)
Sometimes you just have to trust that the universe has your back and the right person will show up when you are ready. And no reason not to have a great time until they show. I had this pep talk with myself many many times. And guess what? it still holds true.
When you are ready, they will come. If they haven't come, you are still not ready.
It's very hard to see what I have to offer in a relationship at the moment, and I have a hard time imagining that there is a guy out there who would want me (not saying this in a boo-hoo, pity me way, just being honest). However, I'm just going to be open to whatever happens. Maybe I will meet someone, maybe I won't. I just want to relax and roll with it instead of wishing desperately that it will happen and forcing the issue. That's how I screwed up the first time.
[This message edited by Running the Race at 12:57 AM, December 19th (Thursday)]
I am a package deal ~ buy one, get three free (my two kids and my adult cousin ~ all with needs to some degree). So it's going to be have to be someone special. If I don't meet someone, I'm ok with that too. Well, that's how I feel now but I'm sure that will change. I know that I would rather live my life single than how I was living with stbx.
I was thinking that I want a certain life; yes I want a real love, one that's honest and true and neverending, but I also want to be able to go places with the kids, have a nice house and nice vehicles. I was thinking last night, while zoned out wrapping, that I wish I could have resumes ready in my purse for any guy that seemed interested. Haha. If only right?!? I want to know that he has a solid career and makes good money, has ambition, is a family man, etc....
Have any of you seen "PS I Love You"? It's with Gerard Butler. It's been forever since I've seen it, but a certain part comes to mind given our current situations. Anyway, the character played by Lisa Kudrow is a single woman in her 30's. She feels she doesn't have time to waste on worthless men with no ambition and with no spark. When a man hits on her she asks him if he's gay, what he does for a living, and then she kisses him to see if there's chemistry. I soooooo want to try this tactic out someday. LOL. If I ever do so I'll totally let you all know how it goes. In the mean time, I'm gonna focus on me for once.