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Pity party about relationships

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Running the Race posted 12/17/2013 16:45 PM

Not that all my focus is on being in a relationship,
But Ever feel like there is nobody else out there for you? Nobody wants you (except your kids and family). Anyone you meet isn't your type? Or they are already in a relationship? I just feel doomed to live my life alone or settle for someone.

Artemisia posted 12/17/2013 17:25 PM


Sorry you're feeling this way. I completely relate. I thought my ex was my person and my match. It's been a long cold road away from that and no end in sight. It's a huge loss.

Just from reading your signature line, it looks like you're not that far away from trying to make it work with your ex wife. I'm not so far out myself.

We've got lots of years left and there will be others, but we need to protect and heal ourselves first. I know I need to work on this. In that way, I'm grateful I'm not seeing matches all over the place (the way my ex apparently is - he's slowly working his way through every female in his social circle). Ooops! Sorry, bitterness sneaks out, see? This is not the time for me to meet my new person. This is a great time for us to get to know ourselves again.

careerlady posted 12/17/2013 21:16 PM

Yes. I'm afraid I won't find anyone or they won't want someone with a toddler or worse yet they will turn out to be as evil as the Snake (I will be cautious but what if they are stealthy?). I mean I'm successful and attractive and my mom tells me there will be a line, but will I find someone who is truly good to me and loves me for who I am? Maybe even someone who is a good father figure to balance out the Snake? Is it too much to ask for?

Newlease posted 12/18/2013 10:06 AM

I was 44 when my 24 year marriage dissolved. I hadn't had a date in 26 years. I was terrified.

I spent a lot of time working on myself - some time feeling sorry for myself - and had some very interesting first dates. I jumped into a relationship before I was fully healed and it turned out to be a disaster.

Three years ago, at the age of 49, I found the most wonderful man, friend, partner, lover that I could ever imagine. He wasn't my "type" and I put him the in the friend zone, but now we are living together and I couldn't be happier.

It is possible to not only find love again, but to find a better love than you ever thought possible. It is just not something you can rush.

Sending strength and peace.


betrayed13yrs posted 12/18/2013 12:18 PM

I have only been separated for three-four months and I already feel like that. Part of me wants to date quickly to know that there's someone else out there that would want me, to feel desired, to not think about him and WHORE.....But then again, I also feel like I should probably try focusing more on me, my very young children, and my new career. Maybe by focusing on being a mom in this transitional stage for my kids is a better way to utilize my time and energy. Of course all I think about is my kids, but I'm never fully there if you know what I mean, by mind is always on douche and our drama. Of course I want to find love again, a better love (anything is better than the lie I was living), but I also worry that I shouldn't wait too long because I just turned 30 and if I get older no decent man will be available or want me, that and I worry that no one will want a woman living at her parents with two small children. Whoa is me:(

Williesmom posted 12/18/2013 12:34 PM

I have felt that way. It helped when I told myself that the person that is meant for me is currently living the life that will help him to become the person that I will need him to be.

It's just not time for him to enter my life yet. Until that time comes, I'll continue to live my current Rockstar Life.

Ok, maybe not a Rockstar Life, but a pretty good one!

libertyrocks posted 12/18/2013 12:58 PM

I want to dive in so bad!! I want to date. I know I'm fun and want to have a happy life. But, I understand it's going to be a very long road of recovering and healing on my part. I am in no way shape, or form ready for another relationship. Heck, I'll probably pick another cheater if I'm not careful. It does suck. I know no one wants to help a single mom with two little boys. What guy would want that??

pregnantandsad posted 12/18/2013 13:04 PM

Betrayed, you summed up everything I have been feeling as well. I could have written your post word for word, except I am 31 not 30 :)

If this helps, I have a friend who had a horrible ex- he cheated constantly, he was verbally abusive, just an all around bad guy. She had 2 youngs kids and filed for divorce 5 years ago. She did jump into dating too soon, learned that wasn't the right choice, started taking time for herself and her girls. Now 5 years after her D she has met a great man and is happier than I have ever seen her. Everytime I get down and worry there won't be anyone out there for me, I think about her and it gives me hope.

LearningToRun posted 12/18/2013 13:06 PM

I have completely felt like that. It felt like i was forcing it. It also felt like i was grasping at straws. (this was 2 1/2 years out)

So i just gave up. Decided to be single and happy and give up ever finding someone else.

And i met my current boyfriend less than a week later. (5 months so far)

Sometimes you just have to trust that the universe has your back and the right person will show up when you are ready. And no reason not to have a great time until they show. I had this pep talk with myself many many times. And guess what? it still holds true.

When you are ready, they will come. If they haven't come, you are still not ready.

tryingagain74 posted 12/18/2013 13:42 PM

Oh, I definitely feel this way. I also know that I'm no longer willing to lower my standards (as I can now see that I did with XWH in hindsight), so that will make finding another relationship all the more challenging. Plus, I'd also have to find a guy who was okay with the fact that I have three kids, don't want any more, and am not going to dump my life to run and be with him.

It's very hard to see what I have to offer in a relationship at the moment, and I have a hard time imagining that there is a guy out there who would want me (not saying this in a boo-hoo, pity me way, just being honest). However, I'm just going to be open to whatever happens. Maybe I will meet someone, maybe I won't. I just want to relax and roll with it instead of wishing desperately that it will happen and forcing the issue. That's how I screwed up the first time.

NotFixable posted 12/18/2013 15:20 PM

I was just talking to my co-worker about this very thing. I know I'm nowhere near ready to think about dating. I'm not even interested right now. But, in my darkest moments, I wonder if I will be alone forever. I am so lonely, but realize I have been lonely for quite some time because WH hasn't been a part of this marriage for so long. I don't want to be alone, but wonder if there will ever be anyone else for me. Maybe I'm meant to die alone.....

Nature_Girl posted 12/18/2013 17:31 PM

Yes, I feel that way. That there is no one for me & my children. However, I don't feel doomed. I'm fine with that. Better alone & free & safe than with an abuser or someone I've "settled" for.

Running the Race posted 12/19/2013 00:57 AM

Thanks for the replies. It seems so odd to me that there seems to be this part in all of us that wants to share our life with someone. Even after our terrible experiences with someone else.
Being alone does seem to be more simple. But right now, it doesn't feel satisfying. Like something is missing. And I guess that's the real fear, that I'll always feel that something is missing. I really don't want to be someone who needs someone or feels they need someone in their life in order to feel justified or satisfied.
And yes, I'm in IC.

[This message edited by Running the Race at 12:57 AM, December 19th (Thursday)]

dmari posted 12/19/2013 02:15 AM

I don't think I think about future relationships too much. I remember early in my healing, I ask God to work on building (spiritually) the man for me but that I didn't want to meet him yet. LOL! I had and still have more healing and rebuilding to do ... plus, I'm still legally married

I am a package deal ~ buy one, get three free (my two kids and my adult cousin ~ all with needs to some degree). So it's going to be have to be someone special. If I don't meet someone, I'm ok with that too. Well, that's how I feel now but I'm sure that will change. I know that I would rather live my life single than how I was living with stbx.

betrayed13yrs posted 12/19/2013 11:11 AM

Soooooo, since we are on the topic of dating, and I don't plan to do so any time soon, is it bad to have criteria? LOL

I was thinking that I want a certain life; yes I want a real love, one that's honest and true and neverending, but I also want to be able to go places with the kids, have a nice house and nice vehicles. I was thinking last night, while zoned out wrapping, that I wish I could have resumes ready in my purse for any guy that seemed interested. Haha. If only right?!? I want to know that he has a solid career and makes good money, has ambition, is a family man, etc....

Have any of you seen "PS I Love You"? It's with Gerard Butler. It's been forever since I've seen it, but a certain part comes to mind given our current situations. Anyway, the character played by Lisa Kudrow is a single woman in her 30's. She feels she doesn't have time to waste on worthless men with no ambition and with no spark. When a man hits on her she asks him if he's gay, what he does for a living, and then she kisses him to see if there's chemistry. I soooooo want to try this tactic out someday. LOL. If I ever do so I'll totally let you all know how it goes. In the mean time, I'm gonna focus on me for once.

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