Over the past few days, my mother has been dropping "not so subtle" hints that she wants me to make the same kinds of Winter/Christmas memories with DS as she and my dad did with me and my sister.
She has texted me:
- wanting (nee "demanding") pictures of DS playing in the snow
- wondering if we put up the Christmas tree yet or not (and following it up with "how sad" it is that we're not giving DS these childhood memories)
Now, my thinking is this: that was the family she and I shared, DS is in a family that *I* control (in part, and jointly with Heart) that doesn't specifically include Mom. These, in my mind, are distinct sets (to use math terminology) where the only single overlapping element is me.
While I am appreciative of the fact that she is so interested in making sure her only grandchild has fond memories of home during this time of year: (a) she's not dealing with the mess I made of my M with Heart, nor does she know or even want to know about it, (b) she's not the one in charge of this household, (c) she's trying to guilt-trip me into doing these things, which I've always seen as a temper-flaring hot-button issue with me.
So far, I was very polite about the snow issue, even going out of my way to come home an hour early yesterday and get suited up for time out in the snow, where DS wanted to have snowball fights the whole time. I did, and Heart took pictures. I haven't sent them to my Mom because I usually make her a calendar of pictures of DS for the year, and I want to surprise her with them in that calendar.
However, the guilt-trip about the tree not being up really set me off. When I got the picture from Heart of the completed tree at noonish today, I simply passive-aggressively replied by text to my Mom that "The Christmas tree is up." No pictures, no indication of how it was done, but just the fact that it was done so that she would leave me alone with the guilt.
Part of my FOO issues have been my Mom, specifically in how she psychologically manipulated us as kids. I subconsciously and consciously avoided contact with her for many years because I didn't want to make myself vulnerable to that kind of treatment again, and now that I've resolved myself to fix those FOO issues, it's starting all over again, and I don't care for it one bit.
So ... tl;dr ... how should I best deal with my Mom?