Me - BS original Dday 10-2012, separated June 2014, divorce Fall 2016
Hopefully a BS point of view may help. To me, 100% is not perfection, its my WH's efforts. If my WH was giving me his ALL and screwing up - that's ok - I don't expect him to be perfect. If he's giving me 100%, eventually his screw ups get smaller because he's working on fixing his unhealthy behaviors. He's not there and this is the big reason we are seperated. I just sent an email of this mornings journal to my WH talking about this actually. Maybe it can help you see things through a BS's eyes.
We are seperated but still trying for the record, he stayed here last night. We had a good few hours as a family followed by about an hour of icky. I was scared and he knew it when we got home. The rollercoaster sucks.
Night two of him sleeping over. After a decent dinner and a trip in the world, I told him I was uncomfortable. I told him if we can't make this feeling go away I wanted him to leave. I asked him to help me. He takes dogs out and when he comes back I am asleep. Maybe I'm expecting too much but he just went to bed. He could have emailed me a kibble. He could have woke me up and asked me what I wanted him to do. He could have read a portion of the book I suggested and emailed me his thoughts on what he read. If he REALLY wanted to fix me and give me what I need - he would have found a way - ANY way to get me what I need. Even if I didn't know it until later. If he REALLY wanted to fix me - that would take priority over anything he wants. I would *ALWAYS* come first, no matter what the sacrifice - be it his comfort, his sleep, his needs, his pride, his reputation, his ego - none of that should matter. Yet those are all still more important than me.
So that's a BS's raw feelings about what it feels like when I don't see 100%. Which also gives examples of what 100% looks like. Is it an enormous feat? YUP! I know this. I know this is hard for the WS but honestly - that's the ONLY way to REALLY undo the damage that is the tornado inflicted on a BS when their spouse has an affair. Massive damage requires massive recovery efforts.
Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an