Case in point...
Tonight I told him I was having a girls night out for my birthday this year, still do the normal dinner with the family, but I want to go out, have a few drinks and have fun. He asked if I would let someone buy me a drink, my first thought was Oh he'd actually care, but I said no not sure where this was going, he asked why not, I was curious to see where he was going and our dd was standing there, I said no that's not very safe, he said so if someone offered you a free drink you wouldn't take it? Cause I would come on its a free drink. I was dumbfounded, for starters is my wh giving me permission to let guys buy me drinks, and two he just admitted he'd let another girl buy him a drink. WTH???
He quickly followed it with, well if a guy offeredi would take that too, come on its a free drink.
I just played it off as nothing since our dd was still standing there, just saying how stupidly unsafe it would be to take a drink from a stranger, when my dd follows up with yeah dad they could poison you.
But it's been simmering in my mind for a few hours now, and it's really bugging me. I'm just glad he doesn't go out with the guys but maybe once a year and that's with my cousin, who's like a brother to me.
Am I crazy, or is that just all kinds of messed up thinking on his part?
when my dd follows up with yeah dad they could poison you.
T/j. Cute what your DD said. Just reminded me of my kids when they were younger...they would have said that too
D-Day, June 10, 2012
He sounds insecure and is definitely outside the bounds of what's appropriate to be casually talking about in front of your DD. My DD is 7, and she understands a lot, like I'm sure your SD does. He has just planted the idea in your DD's mind that another strange man might try to buy you a drink. That's an irresponsible thing to do.
I would be bothered about this....big time.
He wants reassurance and is not brave enough to ask for a hug.
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
All I got from this conversation was he's ok with me getting free drinks and I won't be letting him go to guys night ever, except I don't want to be his mommy and teach him right from wrong!!!
And nomistake, I didn't think about that, I knew it wasn't a conversation to have infront of our daughter, that's why i played it off jokingly saying it's not safe and I wouldn't take a drink from a man or a women at a bar unless I knew them, but I didn't think about how she now may think mommies getting drinks from men other then daddy.
My birthday isn't until the end of January anyways, so hopefully it will blow over in my daughter's mind!
I swear the stupidity of my wh never ends, he always finds a way to remind me!
BTW, I had a similar experience with my SAWH tonite. He often *hears* me say things that I don't say. Tonight, we were talking about what is different about me, him + our marriage. He said he knows he shouldn't be in situations where he might cheat, he won't go out of his way to be in those situations. In the case of his A, it was served to him on a silver platter (single woman pursued him and he did not resist) I was like well you did not exactly go out of your way this time, either and that did not stop you. I also said that it's probably very hard for anyone to try to change their ways and not be so selfish after being selfish for 40+ years. Being selfish is a default for him and having a plan to change that about yourself is one thing but actually doing it is another and keeping it up is yet another. He said he is making changes and he listed all of the things he was doing and got progressively more defensive. I asked him why he was getting so defensive/acting like such a victim. He said "Well you don't think I can change, you don't think I am taking steps. " Um…I did not say that at all. That is what you HEARD and what I said was it's had for anyone to change and it's hard for anyone to practice what they say they are going to do to make a change.
I pretty much don't care anymore, and that kind of scares me. I am pretty surprised at how detached I feel on a regular basis. We get along fine but I'm sort of at an impasse with myself. If I stay (I'm still undecided) I feel like I will know if he cheats again and it will be over. I'm not doing this again.