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Happy Antiversary to Me!

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wahoo8895 posted 12/18/2013 08:19 AM

4 years ago today, FWW confessed that she and OM were having sex (regular and oral). Happy Antiversary to me!!

FWW is bad with dates and wants to forget that time in her life, so I'm not expecting her to remember the significance of the day. Not sure if it's worth reminding her.

Otherwise, I think we are doing very well.

As this website is labelled, you can (and we did) survive infidelity.

Exit Wounds posted 12/18/2013 08:24 AM

Greg,
although I am glad that you are cheering for yourself, I am a bit confused as to WHY you are celebrating THIS day?!

I would find a more happy memory to celebrate. Like the "day" you guys turned a corner and were getting back to being "just us again."

But that's just me.

BTW, I would not remind her of it. It is past according to you and reminding her of that is bringing it back to life...

Congrats on making it!

wahoo8895 posted 12/18/2013 08:29 AM

Ahh, the problems with the written word: it is difficult to convey sarcasm. I'm not cheering. Tonight, when I get home, I will pour myself a nice shot of my favorite single malt scotch and reflect.

Exit Wounds posted 12/18/2013 08:31 AM

Oh! OOH! OOOOHHH!!!

I get it, sorry for being so "dense".
I was thinking you really are gald about it. Sorry about that. Well, today is my bday, I will keep you in my thoughts and have a drink for the both of us Greg.

Glad you guys made it!

spond posted 12/18/2013 10:02 AM

Congrats to making it Greg!!! I look forward to the day when I can say I made it as well.

Healing2012 posted 12/18/2013 14:31 PM

You and I share the same D-day...only two years apart. I rarely post in this forum - mostly because my WH and I have been S for almost two years - but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to respond to someone with the very same D-day.

I am happy to read that you and your FWW are R. Keep up the good work (and I know it is work). I wish you continued success and happiness

rachelc posted 12/18/2013 14:49 PM

greg - any words of wisdom?

wahoo8895 posted 12/19/2013 07:54 AM

@Exit Wounds - happy birthday

@spond - thank you.

@Hurt2012 - I'm sorry we have to share something like D-days. I hope 2014 brings you healing and peace.

@Rachelc - Words of wisdom? There are others on SI who are more eloquent and have more words of wisdom than I. If your question is how did we (FWW and I) do it? Part of me has to answer honestly, I don't really know. There were times when I didn't know if we would.

Part of it, though, is that FWW always maintained that she never wanted to end the marriage. Even during the affair. I think she really thought of it as a mid-life crisis (as corny or lame as it sounds). Something she selfishly wanted to experience. Part of it too, was her belief that an affair would not destroy our marriage (a belief formulated by the fact that her parents both had multiple affairs during the 1970's - which they told her about when she left for college - yet the year before FWW's affair we celebrated her parent's 50th wedding anniversary).

Thus, once she ended the affair, the decision to reconcile was more my decision whether I wanted to remain in the marriage. Other than stopping having sex with OM and answering any question I had, there wasn't much that FWW really "did" to help me heal. At least nothing pro-active, she was reactive to whatever I asked for. And to be honest, I haven't asked for much (beyond details).

Most of my healing was internal and self-driven. That and alot of sessions with my psychologist and reading scores of books on infidelity, marriage, human sexuality, etc.

I weighed the pros and cons of staying in the marriage. And in the final analysis, I realized (or rather just knew) that it was not "who I am" to leave the marriage. When we got married, I vowed to love her through good times and bad. It's really easy to love someone through good times. The test is whether you can love them through the bad. I guess I did, and do.

Not sure if any of this makes any sense. But I guess the only person for whom it really needs to make sense is me.

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