Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: ChaosRider (45729)

User Topic: Getting rid of past possessions.
pointofnoreturn
♀ 41034
Member # 41034
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of the things that has helped the both of us heal is getting rid of any physical items that XAP gave me. Although there was nice art books I received, I felt that they were tainted, and needed them gone. It was a bit of a relief donating those books. Some other person will enjoy them and I won't have to feel bad throwing away useful items.

But...then there's those gifts. XAP was an artist like me. Before the A even happened, we both drew in my sketchbook during slow periods at work. It was painful going through all if those drawings, but if he "tainted" any of my drawings, they had to go. It was hard because my drawings are like my children. They may suck, but I guess I lament that yet another consequence if my actions is that a piece of my art progression is now gone.

But...it overall felt good. The two of us had some hot chocolate, and watched as everything went up in flames.

It didn't solve my issue. It didn't make what I did go away. But getting rid of those triggers has been tremendous to the both of us, I think.

Last night, he was going through an old sketchbook of mine. I can tell that I really love him; with anyone else, I'd be embarrassed and hide the book from them. I don't have to explain anything in there...we both understand each other.

Apparently though, I missed one thing. Not a drawing, but a time out receipt. BBF didn't know what it was, and I had to explain it was from when I worked "there".

I got upset. At myself for ruining another night, for not being more thorough in my disposal, for hurting him. I apologized again. At this point, I was crumpling up the slip in my hand, using it as some sort of stress reliever. He asked if he could see it. I gave it to him, and he threw it in the trash and said, "it doesn't matter anymore."

Just everyday he amazes me more. I don't know how or why, but even if he's triggering hard, he can still say "I love you." He lets me hold him. I went all out for him this Christmas, and he thinks I did because I feel bad. Well I do but gift giving is how I show my love. I don't care if he only got me one gift. His gift of forgiveness is all I'll ever need. It's a reflection on how xAPs "gifts" flop in comparison. He can buy me fancy books or Star Wars crap (I'm not even into Star Wars. Guess he was thinking of himself), but he can never NEVER compete with what BBF has given me.

How have you guys felt when getting rid of xAPs gifts?


Me- WGF 22
Him- BBF 21
Ddays:
August 2011
September 26th, 2013

"A lesson is learned. Life is. Simply. There is no Death. There is no Before. There is no After. All is in Flux. Simply."


Posts: 187 | Registered: Oct 2013
JustDesserts
♂ 39665
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One, man made, was crushed underfoot and put in the trash at a gas mart. The other, a token made by Mother Nature, was given back to the earth, with a heave Ho (no pun intended).

The tokens from me to her I wish I could Indian give, then put in a pile and douse with gas. My wife and I could strike a match and toss it jointly.

I hope her STBXBH found them stashed somewhere and tossed, crushed and flushed accordingly.

JD


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he never gave me anything. But any item of clothing I wore or trigger for my husband was thrown, without him even asking...


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5500 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Mrs Panda
♀ 27303
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was cathartic !

Not that there was much

One mix Cd which was the soundtrack to our affair. I played it a lot driving around. I was hypnotized by this one band for a while.

I threw it into the McDonald's parking lot and then ordered me an egg mcmuffin.


Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1992 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
Thessalian
♀ 40633
Member # 40633
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH threw one of the gifts she gave him into a public urinal. That was pleasant for both of us.


Me: BW, 30
Him: WH, 36

7 years of double-digit ONS, LTA, hookers - the works.

First found out: August 20, 2013
Whole truth: January 1, 2014


Posts: 164 | Registered: Sep 2013
heartbroken0903
♀ 27879
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I flushed a pair of earrings (that he gave me during the A) down the toilet...didn't bother me because they were ugly as hell.

I still have gifts from during our past dating relationship because they are not A-related and I like them.


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

We remarried in 2014.


Posts: 2316 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
Unagie
♀ 37091
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is still a bottle opener I was given years ago by the "friend" I flashed years ago and a watch I bought him years ago that the same "friend" suggested the store I bought it from. He's aware of the history of both, loves the watch and doesnt associate it with him but rather with when we were happy and the can opener is an object. Hell he got pissed off at me when I threw out the clothes associated with AP and with the "friend" but was okay with me destroying a painting I got from the "friend."

I had to get rid of it, it made me feel horrible anytime I looked at the stuff.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"There are times when our reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind." Patrick Rothfuss


Posts: 2799 | Registered: Oct 2012
Lmw9808
♂ 41255
Member # 41255
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did not have any gifts from AP but did get rid of several things. My A was LT and my BW was disturbed by anything that had been in contact with AP. So I got rid of everything. All of my work clothes were donated. It felt good to remove that trigger. My wedding ring was the most difficult. It was not expensive but I liked it. It had touched AP so it had to go. We through it in the river together as a symbolic way of washing away the hurt of the A.


Me - WH 44
Her - BS 45
Married 19 years
D-Day 5/18/13 5 year LTA

Posts: 16 | Registered: Nov 2013
bbf2013
♂ 41551
Member # 41551
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shredding the letters felt really good. It was hard, but it was like taking off chains.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Dec 2013
painfulpast
♀ 41038
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Other than the memory of songs, words and electronic pictures, there were no exchanges to my WH. If there were, they would be gone. Him keeping them would be a sign of tremendous disrespect to me and our marriage. Kudos to all of you for getting rid of these tokens from a very destructive force.


I still have gifts from during our past dating relationship because they are not A-related and I like them.

Your exH/BF is pretty understanding. My WH had his A also with an ex, and anything and everything relating to her is long gone. I'm curious if your exh/BF knows about this items, and if so how he feels about them.

Thanks!


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
heartbroken0903
♀ 27879
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm curious if your exh/BF knows about this items, and if so how he feels about them.

I'm not sure if he knows about them. I don't think we've ever talked about it. I have items from other prior relationships as well. It's all practical stuff...books, clothing, etc. Certainly no lingerie from past lovers hanging around (who would keep that? ) and any jewelry (except for the aforementioned earrings) has long since gone to the pawn shop. In fact, my wedding & engagement rings went to the pawn shop as well after we were D.


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

We remarried in 2014.


Posts: 2316 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
Topic Posts: 11

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.