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pointofnoreturn posted 12/18/2013 09:12 AM

One of the things that has helped the both of us heal is getting rid of any physical items that XAP gave me. Although there was nice art books I received, I felt that they were tainted, and needed them gone. It was a bit of a relief donating those books. Some other person will enjoy them and I won't have to feel bad throwing away useful items.

But...then there's those gifts. XAP was an artist like me. Before the A even happened, we both drew in my sketchbook during slow periods at work. It was painful going through all if those drawings, but if he "tainted" any of my drawings, they had to go. It was hard because my drawings are like my children. They may suck, but I guess I lament that yet another consequence if my actions is that a piece of my art progression is now gone.

But...it overall felt good. The two of us had some hot chocolate, and watched as everything went up in flames.

It didn't solve my issue. It didn't make what I did go away. But getting rid of those triggers has been tremendous to the both of us, I think.

Last night, he was going through an old sketchbook of mine. I can tell that I really love him; with anyone else, I'd be embarrassed and hide the book from them. I don't have to explain anything in there...we both understand each other.

Apparently though, I missed one thing. Not a drawing, but a time out receipt. BBF didn't know what it was, and I had to explain it was from when I worked "there".

I got upset. At myself for ruining another night, for not being more thorough in my disposal, for hurting him. I apologized again. At this point, I was crumpling up the slip in my hand, using it as some sort of stress reliever. He asked if he could see it. I gave it to him, and he threw it in the trash and said, "it doesn't matter anymore."

Just everyday he amazes me more. I don't know how or why, but even if he's triggering hard, he can still say "I love you." He lets me hold him. I went all out for him this Christmas, and he thinks I did because I feel bad. Well I do but gift giving is how I show my love. I don't care if he only got me one gift. His gift of forgiveness is all I'll ever need. It's a reflection on how xAPs "gifts" flop in comparison. He can buy me fancy books or Star Wars crap (I'm not even into Star Wars. Guess he was thinking of himself), but he can never NEVER compete with what BBF has given me.

How have you guys felt when getting rid of xAPs gifts?

JustDesserts posted 12/18/2013 09:28 AM

One, man made, was crushed underfoot and put in the trash at a gas mart. The other, a token made by Mother Nature, was given back to the earth, with a heave Ho (no pun intended).

The tokens from me to her I wish I could Indian give, then put in a pile and douse with gas. My wife and I could strike a match and toss it jointly.

I hope her STBXBH found them stashed somewhere and tossed, crushed and flushed accordingly.

JD

rachelc posted 12/18/2013 14:32 PM

he never gave me anything. But any item of clothing I wore or trigger for my husband was thrown, without him even asking...

Mrs Panda posted 12/18/2013 19:48 PM

It was cathartic !

Not that there was much

One mix Cd which was the soundtrack to our affair. I played it a lot driving around. I was hypnotized by this one band for a while.

I threw it into the McDonald's parking lot and then ordered me an egg mcmuffin.

Thessalian posted 12/18/2013 19:50 PM

My WH threw one of the gifts she gave him into a public urinal. That was pleasant for both of us.

Darkness Falls posted 12/18/2013 20:02 PM

I flushed a pair of earrings (that he gave me during the A) down the toilet...didn't bother me because they were ugly as hell.

I still have gifts from during our past dating relationship because they are not A-related and I like them.

Unagie posted 12/18/2013 20:20 PM

There is still a bottle opener I was given years ago by the "friend" I flashed years ago and a watch I bought him years ago that the same "friend" suggested the store I bought it from. He's aware of the history of both, loves the watch and doesnt associate it with him but rather with when we were happy and the can opener is an object. Hell he got pissed off at me when I threw out the clothes associated with AP and with the "friend" but was okay with me destroying a painting I got from the "friend."

I had to get rid of it, it made me feel horrible anytime I looked at the stuff.

Lmw9808 posted 12/19/2013 07:52 AM

I did not have any gifts from AP but did get rid of several things. My A was LT and my BW was disturbed by anything that had been in contact with AP. So I got rid of everything. All of my work clothes were donated. It felt good to remove that trigger. My wedding ring was the most difficult. It was not expensive but I liked it. It had touched AP so it had to go. We through it in the river together as a symbolic way of washing away the hurt of the A.

bbf2013 posted 12/19/2013 18:12 PM

Shredding the letters felt really good. It was hard, but it was like taking off chains.

painfulpast posted 12/19/2013 18:19 PM

Other than the memory of songs, words and electronic pictures, there were no exchanges to my WH. If there were, they would be gone. Him keeping them would be a sign of tremendous disrespect to me and our marriage. Kudos to all of you for getting rid of these tokens from a very destructive force.

I still have gifts from during our past dating relationship because they are not A-related and I like them.

Your exH/BF is pretty understanding. My WH had his A also with an ex, and anything and everything relating to her is long gone. I'm curious if your exh/BF knows about this items, and if so how he feels about them.

Thanks!

Darkness Falls posted 12/19/2013 21:07 PM

I'm curious if your exh/BF knows about this items, and if so how he feels about them.

I'm not sure if he knows about them. I don't think we've ever talked about it. I have items from other prior relationships as well. It's all practical stuff...books, clothing, etc. Certainly no lingerie from past lovers hanging around (who would keep that? ) and any jewelry (except for the aforementioned earrings) has long since gone to the pawn shop. In fact, my wedding & engagement rings went to the pawn shop as well after we were D.