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Off Topic :
You're not helping me here, bureaucrats!

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 nowiknow23 (original poster member #33226) posted at 4:10 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

DS19 got a letter in the mail from the DOT a couple of weeks ago, but didn't bother to open it until last night. Turns out he had an old, unpaid speeding ticket that he forgot about. The DOT didn't forget, however, and the letter was informing him that his license was suspended as of 12/18 for non-payment. Um, that's today.

Oops.

Panic! Crisis! Help, Mom! What do I do?!?

Since his license was suspended, he couldn't drive himself around this morning to take care of the ticket and to get his license reinstated, so he begged me to show him where to go and help him get everything straightened out.

Never one to miss a teachable moment, I seized upon the one-on-one car time to discuss responsibility, consequences, etc. Shared with him that he may not be able to fix this today. That he may be barred from driving for some time, as the wheels of bureaucracy are notoriously slow to turn. I prepared him for the potential pitfalls - first at the Clerk of Court's office, where he had to pay the ticket and secure proof of payment, and then at the DOT where he had to provide proof and jump through hoops to reinstate his license.

I reiterated that driving is a privilege, not a right, and told him to prepare to be frustrated, disappointed, and potentially angry. And then lectured him that regardless of how he was feeling, he must act with humility and gratitude.

So why, dear bureaucrats, WHY did you make things so effortless for him? Where were the long lines of disgruntled people? Where were the inexplicably confusing forms? Where was the random redirection to another office? WHY DID IT ONLY TAKE 3 MINUTES TO PAY THE FINE?

Ok, so slight teachable moment setback on the clerk of court front. That's ok. Next step was the DOT. No one emerges unscathed from the DOT, right?

WRONG.

There was just one person in line in front of DS, and they were finishing up when we walked in. The DOT clerks were laughing, cheerful, and personable. They told him he lucked out - the suspension had yet to be recorded on his license, so they were able to back it out of the system without it going on his record.

In and out in 2 minutes. No fuss, no hassle.

The hell? HELP A SISTER OUT, PEOPLE!!! I needed this to be painful! And memorable! I needed this to be drawn out, confusing, and frustrating as all get out! I needed DS to get a major kick in the butt to reinforce the importance of being responsible and staying on top of these things!

Sigh.

We got back in the car to head home. As I put the car in reverse, DS put his hand on my arm and said, "Mom? I've learned my lesson and I'm not going to forget it. I'm so sorry that I put you out like this. Thank you for helping me. I don't know what I would have done without you."

Never mind, bureaucrats. I guess I don't need your help after all.

[This message edited by nowiknow23 at 10:35 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)]

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

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wifehad5 ( Administrator #15162) posted at 4:16 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

FBH - 52 FWW - 53 (BrokenRoad)2 kids 17 & 22The people you do your life with shape the life you live

posts: 55954   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2007   ·   location: Michigan
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MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 4:33 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

Now it is time to present him the bill for chauffeured limo and counseling fees.

Any way, 100 people were surveyed and the top answer to

Panic! Crisis! Help, Mom! What do I do?!?

is

Go quickly, get a De Loren, some plutonium, and a flux capacitor. Hit 88 and go back in time to open the envelope sooner and take care of things before they suspend your license. Oh no wait, this won't work. You can't drive your license has been suspended.

posts: 54450   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2007
id 6602849
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ajsmom ( member #17460) posted at 4:43 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

OMG...seriously crying here!

We mom's can't win sometimes.

AJ's MOM

Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34

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simplydevastated ( member #25001) posted at 5:09 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

Damn you efficient DOT!! Whhhhyyyyyy......

Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)

posts: 6121   ·   registered: Jul. 31st, 2009   ·   location: In the darkest depths of hell!
id 6602906
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lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 6:09 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

As I put the car in reverse, DS put his hand on my arm and said, "Mom? I've learned my lesson and I'm not going to forget it. I'm so sorry that I put you out like this. Thank you for helping me. I don't know what I would have done without you."

I just love a smartass

[This message edited by lieshurt at 12:09 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)]

No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.

posts: 22643   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2007   ·   location: Houston
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 nowiknow23 (original poster member #33226) posted at 6:20 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

Takes one to know one?

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6603044
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lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 6:27 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

Takes one to know one?

Without a doubt

No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.

posts: 22643   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2007   ·   location: Houston
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jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 7:27 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

posts: 51035   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2011
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Newlease ( member #7767) posted at 8:08 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

On behalf of my fellow bureaucrats everywhere, I offer my sincerest apologies. We try very hard to be the grumpy, lazy, disorganized grunts many sources make us out to be. It is obvious we failed at this mission so retraining will commence in short order.

NL

Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

posts: 8471   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2005
id 6603240
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 nowiknow23 (original poster member #33226) posted at 8:29 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

Newlease - if you could narrow the scope of the retraining to apply toward sheepish teens accompanied by annoyed parents? That would be awesome.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6603266
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Newlease ( member #7767) posted at 8:59 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

If only I had that kind of power . . . .

Sheepish teens - check

Annoyed parents - check

Retraining to commence in - who am I kidding - we aren't that organized!

NL

Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

posts: 8471   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2005
id 6603325
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 9:05 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

Saved you a lot of time, though. That's good.

I like the reason he gave for learning his lesson and think it's entirely appropriate.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 31151   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
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jrc1963 ( member #26531) posted at 9:17 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

That "Oh, Shit" panic feeling alone might have been enough of a lesson...

We can only hope!

Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

posts: 26375   ·   registered: Dec. 14th, 2009   ·   location: Michigan
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