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MC said what???

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hpv50 posted 12/18/2013 13:16 PM

We don't think our MC is very good at affairs, but today took the cake. He noticed we both seemed calmer, more relaxed, and I mentioned th we were working through the EA issues on our own. The MC said "still? At some point you have to say enough is enough already."

Say what?

It's been 5 months since I found the emails confirming his EA in process...

Even my WH was incredulous.

ms521 posted 12/18/2013 13:40 PM

That doesn't sound healthy. I'm under the impression that feelings need to be acknowledged and validated. Not buried because "enough is enough already." I'm pretty sure any MC worth their credentials would tell you there's no time limit on healing and thoughtful discussion.

Blobette posted 12/18/2013 13:54 PM

Why are you still with this person? Get a new MC!

iwillNOT posted 12/18/2013 15:45 PM


I am just a couple weeks behind you and can't imagine our MC saying that. I'm glad your WH didn't take that as ok. That could have done some real damage if he took that statement as license to expect you to " get over it."

jo2love posted 12/18/2013 17:42 PM

It doesn't sound like your MC understands at all. I would seriously consider finding a new MC.

womaninflux posted 12/18/2013 17:50 PM

That is insensitive. Worse than my MIL, who is a psychiatrist, looking me in the eye and saying I will get over it. And that was pretty bad.

Would you consider switching therapists?

At the very least, I would call the therapist and express my dissatisfaction with that remark. It's pretty hard to get blood from a stone as we all know. When the WS is not forthcoming, the issues take a lot longer to process. Just 2 weeks ago I got a timeline of the affair and I am 9 months post DD.

hpv50 posted 12/18/2013 17:55 PM

IWillNot: right, I was glad WH reacted that way. He even said to the MC, who suggested WH focus on himself and not on me, "you mean if my wife feels bad or has a question for me I should just say forget it, I've done enough?"

This from the guy who often lately diminished what he'd done, and made some pretty bone-headed boundary "mistakes." but today I felt very supported and validated by him.

Yes, the MC is bad at this, but very good at other things I think we need, such as anger issues and depression. Also, quite frankly, this is our fourth MC and this one is the least bad. Fortunately we both have excellent IC.

LA44 posted 12/18/2013 18:00 PM

I remember 5 weeks - WEEKS - in, our former MC said, "so when do you think you will be done with the questions?"

Done? I'll tell you what I am done with!

jjsr posted 12/18/2013 20:11 PM

I knew our MC was a keeper early on when he told FWH that I could have questions for years and he would have to answer them because his behavior put us in the situation

RidingHealingRd posted 12/18/2013 22:31 PM

I am stunned, absolutely stunned at his ignorance.

sudra posted 12/19/2013 06:23 AM

We're still dealing with it 3+ years out. It's why we go. Our marriage wasn't that bad before the affair - the MC is to rebuild it after the affair, so we talk about it.

I'd still look for another MC no matter how many you have to go through. A really GOOD MC is invaluable, IMO.

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