The only way in which she has shown regret is by sending texts that she is going to the store after work, or gym with girlfriend, or appt for haircut and when I mention how much I feel like I'm doing and how little she has put in, I hear a tirade about how she has to walk on eggshells and how worried she is about what I am thinking.
I should be grateful, I suppose. Some of the SI stories I have seen make my trauma look like a hangnail. But I don't feel grateful. I feel sad, lonely, and angry. And just hopeful enough to not sell the house and walk away.
Some of the SI stories I have seen make my trauma look like a hangnail
Pain is pain. You have every right to your feelings and reactions.
I'm so sorry that she isn't taking responsibility for her behavior or putting any effort in. You deserve so much more. Only you can say when you're done putting on a one-sided show. We're here for you - you're not alone.
Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16
I am so sorry for you, but it does not sound like she understands what she has done or how it has hurt you.
It sounds like complete 180 time.
What does your W do that gives you hope?
What are you thinking of doing instead of selling the house and walking away?
What are you waiting for?
(I mean the above as questions. In general you know what's best for you, and I'm curious, because in your sitch I'd be in a full 180.)
I have not started a 180 because she only hears/sees/thinks you abandoned me. If I go my own way at this early stage, it will be more ammunition to continue feeding that false argument (and I am not ready to deal with the aftermath just yet).
Signs of hope, more talking and time together than in the last three years. No running off to the bathroom, phone in hand. No furtive trips or excuses for being late. Mileage and times jive. She sent NC and texted his BS in a fit of break up anger (I still sent her a message) so I am pretty sure this A is dead. My fear is when the next will start because I have a booger in my nostril.
Based on what you said above, I think you're on your way to D-day #3 if she doesn't change. I would even question if the second A is over. Who said it was over when he stormed out when you showed up that day? If it was her, I'd verify it for myself.
I'll shoot straight here: If you want to save your M, the best chance you've got is the 180. You have to be willing to lose your M to save it at this point. I understand her saying you abandoned her, my WW has done the same thing. All you're abandoning is her bullshit. I'd make that clear to her. If she is willing to work on the M, you are too. But until that point, you're not interested.
My two cents.
[This message edited by RealityStinks at 6:10 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)]