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Newest Member: Mentallydrained (49901)

User Topic: so ashamed
♀ 40078
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a restaurant I usually quickly run in & out of with take out. Today I was in there a little later than usual & had no place to go, so I sat down to eat.

The place started to fill up. I noticed I was the only woman in the place. Then the thought came....if I wanted to meet a guy this would be a good place to hang out.

I was so ashamed of myself. I felt the need to look only at my table or out the window to avoid any possible temptation. How did I get here?

D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50 WH 52
NC-several, last broken NC 7/2013 (?)
Married 29 years, 2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 432 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
♀ 39803
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you are being hyper-vigilant. I get random, crazy thoughts like that too. Sometimes our minds are like monkeys!!

I wouldn't be worried or ashamed unless you were really contemplating hooking up with someone there. Like, you know, grabbing them and hustling them into the bathroom. .

Lighten up a little soconfusednow! If it becomes a pattern of escapist thinking, then you have something to worry about.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 2:15 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)]

me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

Posts: 2928 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't be so hard on yourself. The ground was taken out from underneath you not that long ago. There is a huge difference between a fleeting thought and an action plan.

It's good to acknowledge when we have unhealthy thoughts, and to tell them to shush. You're not a bad person, you're just in a new headspace and need to learn how to deal with the emotions. You're going to be ok.


Nothing ever goes away until is has taught us everything we need to know. - Pema Chodron

Posts: 24926 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♀ 37575
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are ok!!! I have had the most random thoughts like that, I am embarrassed to even say them. Yours is pretty tame compared to mine, just saying.

Sadly though, I too wonder how in the world did I get here, of all places?

Take care!

Me: BW Him: FWH in our 50's
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas

Posts: 524 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if I wanted to meet a guy this would be a good place to hang out... I was so ashamed of myself.

I'm sorry you felt ashamed. I think you just noticed the environment. You recognized a slippery slope without jumping onto it. That's reason to celebrate your observational skills and integrity.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 70 (22 in my head), Married 45+, together since 1965, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
I'm not an exemplar. I share my own experience because it's all I know.

Posts: 12146 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
♀ 41166
Member # 41166
Default  Posted: 5:40 AM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have those thoughts too...nothing to be ashamed of. I used to look around me in every store and wonder which guys would leave the store with me if I came on to them! I would NEVER act on those thoughts. I think those kind of thoughts are actually a way to understand our WS and tap in to our we can understand their flaws and weaknesses better.

Me: BW 42 (39 at DDay 1)
FWH 42 (39 at DDay 1) (RibsInHerChest)
Together 23 yrs, M 19, 2 kids
DDay: 12/11/12 ONS with CW
Massive TT: 1/4/2015 full blown EA/PA with multiple encounters over several weeks
Didn't use condom, I got chlamydia.

Posts: 476 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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