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Newest Member: RoreverBlue (61146)

User Topic: help, not sure what to do?
♀ 41631
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really need some advice….

My DS stayed home from school today because he was in tears with a "tummy ache". He stuck to me like glue all day. I knew he was just sad so I played with him and tried to get him to talk. He has been acting out a little and being very sensitive (understandable). Eventually, with gentle encouragement he told me he was sad and missed dad (heartbreaking and pretty big for him to share). I really don't know what to do??? I have been in NC (for about 3 weeks, minor failures I set the bar high in NC) except regarding the kids. Should I tell WS? I am thinking I will try to find counselling for the kids after Christmas. Should I approach the subject by telling him about counselling and that he should send me $ for this (which probably won't happen). We used to talk about the kids, be concerned for their well being together. I don't even know if he thinks about the damage this is doing to the kids….I don't want to talk to him but if I have to for the kids I will. I HATE this!!! Any advice would help!

Me: 37
2 amazing kids DS, DD

Posts: 289 | Registered: Dec 2013
♀ 36408
Member # 36408
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That hurts I know, I am sorry that your child is caught in the middle. Mine were very little and I know they felt the tension and watched Mommy cry for days and that confused them and tore their world up. So so sorry for you and I hope you have a good support system. Support for them is a good thing too.

Me BS 54
WH 55
Married 34 years
2 grown sons
2 PA ? EA's didn't develop due to discovery

Posts: 85 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: midwest USA
♀ 37190
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has he seen them? Can you communicate your sons needs without engaging?

Me - BS original Dday 10-2012, separated June 2014, divorce Fall 2016

Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an

Posts: 772 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Out of the ashes
♀ 41631
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He lives in another country. He can only use Skype, FaceTime or texting to communicate with the kids. He used to be very involved with the kids and since DDay his interactions with kids have been weak. The kids are not used to who their dad has become and are confused. They say they don't know what to say to him sometimes. I'm guessing but I think WH has guilt deep deep down regarding what he is doing (at least with the kids). WH talks to me like I'm his buddy. He adds stuff about a cool new place to eat or something 'cool' at the bottom of our emails about kids. I ignore anything that isn't about kids. I had to take the kids back to our country, WH didn't want us to stay and I couldn't afford to stay. The guy I used to know would be concerned but I don't know if this guy is….so I don't know if I should include him….AHHHH

Me: 37
2 amazing kids DS, DD

Posts: 289 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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